


THE 97 MEME TEAM

by JamlessGenius



Category: ASTRO (Band), GOT7, NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 97-Line - Freeform, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Other, Tags to be added, Texting, group chats, too many references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 16,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22377763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/pseuds/JamlessGenius
Summary: [Hello and welcome to HELL]BamBam: @JungkookBamBam: You utter ankleBamBam: And by ankle I mean several feet below a dickJungkook: OK ALL I DID WAS GIVE YOU A BANANA AND SAY IT WAS LARGER THAN YOUJungkook: I DO NOT DESERVE THIS A B U S EThe8: MmmmThe8: Banana innardsBamBam: Excuse me what the fuckDK: Don’t curse at minghaoBamBam: Dont mess with me when you have the expression of a person with exactly one brain cell that dings around ur skull like a windows screensaverOr: The 97 liners and their insanity squad
Relationships: 97 line friendship - Relationship, to be decided later
Comments: 90
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nyaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyaw/gifts).



**[Hello and welcome to HELL]**

**BamBam:** @Jungkook

**BamBam:** You utter ankle

**BamBam:** And by ankle I mean several feet below a dick

**Jungkook:** OK ALL I DID WAS GIVE YOU A BANANA AND SAY IT WAS LARGER THAN YOU

**Jungkook:** I DO NOT DESERVE THIS A B U S E

**The8:** Mmmm

**The8:** Banana innards

**BamBam:** Excuse me what the fuck

**DK:** Don’t curse at minghao

**BamBam:** Dont mess with me when you have the expression of a person with exactly one brain cell that dings around ur skull like a windows screensaver

**Jaehyun:** Dude you used you and ur in the same text

**Jungkook:** Is that all you effing noticed

**Yugyeom:** Why effing?

**Jungkook:** No curse challenge week children

**Jungkook:** I hate it but if I succeed I get 300 American dollars from joon hyung 

**Jungkook:** Jimin, jin hyung and hobi hyung are out

**Yugyeom:** Not suga hyungnim?

**Jungkook:** He’s been either unconscious or working on a track in near silence the past three days

**Jungkook:** I will not lose to any of you sociopaths 

**Mingyu:** Ok excuse me

**Mingyu:** I’m the best person you’ll ever lay eyes on stfu

**The8:** Cute

**Jungkook:** Minghao lost his mind again...

**The8:** Then help me find it why are you making fun of me!

**DK:** Guys be nice :(

**DK:** He has a fever and has to have his phone with him in case of emergency but we can’t stop his texting

**Jungkook:** feel better bb

**BamBam:** ^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!!

**Jaehyun:** what he said

**Mingyu:** I’m coming to your place in five with soup so you’d better consume it

**Yugyeom:** I’m omw w medicine 

**Yugyeom:** jk can you go to that cafe by your place and pick up a drink for him it’s his favorite place he adores the entire menu

**Jungkook:** ( ￣ ^ ￣ ) ゞ

**Jungkook:** wait why did seokmin get pissed abt bam cursing 

**DK:** every time a curse word comes on screen haohao starts crying abt his best same age pals “fighting”

**Jaehyun:** i c

**BamBam:** *itzy dancing intensifies*

**Yugyeom:** no.


	2. Chapter 2

**[SORRY HYUNGS]**

**Yugyeom:** Soooooo @jk

**BamBam:** Did you win

**Jungkook:** No :( jimin is a bitch and challenged me to overwatch 

**Jungkook:** I beat him but I said fuck yes so I lost

**DK:** You obtuse fucktard

**The8:** So Suga hyungnim won?

**Jungkook:** No I decided screw playing nice and woke him up so he cursed at me 

**Jungkook:** turns out he wasn’t even playing he just didn’t want to talk to us

**Jungkook:** He’s both creative and scary

**Jungkook:** anyway rm hyung won and kept his money

**The8:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

**Jungkook:** is he drunk why is that funny

**BamBam:** Don’t drink kids

**The8:** Kids ain’t a liquid tho??

**Jungkook:** Tf u think a blender is for

**Jaehyun:** Guys

**Jaehyun:** Idgaf what cursed conversation u we’re having

**Jaehyun:** I need a comeback 

**Yugyeom:** You talk a lot of shit for sm1 in cumshot distance 

**Mingyu:** Wtaf 

**Jungkook:** Don’t cum any closer

**Jungkook:** I’m loaded 

**Mingyu:** Omfg

** BamBam: ** Just keep texting us and ignore em

** BamBam: ** If they give u shit say you didn’t care enough to reply

**Jaehyun:** THANKS BB

** Jaehyun:  ** U A REAL ONE


	3. Chapter 3

**[SORRY HYUNGS]**

**Eunwoo:** I just caught up and 

**Eunwoo:** This chat

**Eunwoo:** Looks like smth willy wonka would make if he was like 10% more unstable

**Mingyu:** HOLD UP WHEN DID YOU GET HERE

**Eunwoo:** hi:)

**BamBam:** Eunwoo!

**Jungkook:** Dongminnie!!!!

**The8:** Y’all I’m dyin

**The8:** I’m watching the hyungs help set up a fansign but they don’t have enough chairs

**Mingyu:** Let certain ppl sit

**Eunwoo:** Kill a few members 

**DK:** Wtf eunwoo

**Jungkook:** Just get more chairs??

**BamBam:** Or multiply them by four by turning the chairs upside down

**Jaehyun:** GENIUS

**The8:** ill tell them u suggested it<3

**BamBam:** r.i.p. me ig 

**Yugyeom:** f

**Yugyeom:** so who added eunwoo

**Eunwoo:** Uhhhh

**Eunwoo:** I did backstage at an event 

**Jungkook:** It’s nice to see you tho! ( ๑ > ◡ < ๑ )

**Eunwoo:** I’m so happy to be here!!! ( ≧∀≦ )

**Jungkook:** ( ๑ ╹ ω ╹ ๑ )

**Eunwoo:** ( ⌒ ▽ ⌒ )

**Jungkook:** _(:3  」∠ )_

**Eunwoo:** ☆ 〜（ゝ。 ∂ ）

**Jungkook:** ╰ (*´ ︶ `*) ╯

**Eunwoo:** ♡

**Jungkook:** ٩ ( ๑ ❛ ᴗ ❛ ๑ ) ۶

**BamBam:** Awww

**Jaehyun:** No go away

**The8:** Omfg 

**The8:** @DK

**The8:** Dude I JUST ran into someone who met you in middle school

**The8:** he works here 

**The8:** He asked if u were the person who said they failed all their exams but the vermin accepted him as leader so they had that going for them

**Eunwoo:** Yooooo for real?

**DK:** duh have you met me

**The8:** Yh he said a bio teacher asked the function of carbohydrates and u said filling the deep well of sadness

**The8:** Apparently it’s legendary to this day

**Jaehyun:** U ok dude?

**DK:** Lol no


	4. Chapter 4

**[TWILIGHT IS VALID FUCK YOU]**

**Jungkook:** i forgot hao set this as the chatname

**Jungkook:** guys help:(

**Jungkook:** This girl I really hate asked me out

**BamBam:** free dinner

**Jungkook:** I literally hate her guts

**Jungkook:** im too busy to date too

**DK:** But you like free food right

**Yugyeom:** I know this wasn’t what you were talking abt

**Jungkook:** Uh hold up guys yug is upset

**Yugyeom:** ppl say that dogs chase squirrels in doggy heaven but why do the squirrels need to suffer?

**DK:** Dog heaven = squirrel hell

**Jungkook:** Yikes poor hobi hyung

**The8:** Isn’t he year of the dog?

**DK:** I thought y’all compared him to a horse?

**Jungkook:** Only when we’re being mean he’s squirrel cute 

**Jungkook:** heck even army call him a squirrel 

**The8:** i forgot bangtan had undercover army Twitters

**BamBam:** so for him to go to heaven he must simultaneously go to hell

**Eunwoo:** He’s not an actual dog or an actual squirrel 

**Eunwoo:** _Idiots_

**BamBam:** Ok you’re still a recent addition shut up

**Eunwoo:** :(

**Mingyu:** Look now you made newbie sad

**Yugyeom:** Life ain’t a garden don’t be a _HO_ BAMBAM

**BamBam:** :(

**The8** : look now you made the gremlin sad

**BamBam:** BOI

**BamBam:** if I’m a gremlin what kinda monster can claim YOUR ugly

**The8:** bitch I’m a _unicorn_

**BamBam:** a one horned _rhino_ is _not_ a unicorn 

**Mingyu:** is your brain as small as your size or smth

**BamBam:** I will not stand for this a b u s e 

**Eunwoo:** you were standing? I thought you were sitting.

**Eunwoo:** wait...

**Mingyu:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**DK:** LMFAO

**BamBam:** BYE

**[The Real Drama Club]**

**BamBam:** still love you psychos<3

**The8:** <3333

**Mingyu:** <3

**Yugyeom:** <3

**DK:** <3

**Jungkook:** <3

**Eunwoo:** :) <3

**Jaehyun:** <3

**BamBam:** now who changed the name bc I adore you

**Jaehyun:** !!!

**BamBam:** jobless nct is high key funniest nct 

**Jaehyun:** Betrayal 

**BamBam:** u don’t know betrayal 

**Yugyeom:** yeah your band mate hasn’t said in an interview that he prefers his solo work to bring a group

**Jungkook:** can’t relate

**The8:** speaking of solo work

**The8:** drop your effing mixtape we’ve all heard it and love it

**Jungkook:** BYE


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {ErikaNeko: Since you said requests are ok... I really, really wanna see a chapter where they all break out some extreme duality. Like, sugary, cavity-inducing fluffy soft feels and then, if you're good with writing it(if not, then just ignore this, is ok!) they switch over to the nastiest, kinkiest NSFW, 19++++ talk in like,,,, seconds. (a tamer version could be, idk, super fluffy to extreme dumb idiot talk?? Honestly Idk what you could do instead if you decide to humor me on this but don't want the nsfw lmao)} Erika I tried ;-; Thank you for the sweet comment!

**[YUGKOOK 2KFORRVER SHIPPERS]**

**Jungkook:** Yuuuuuugyeom 

**Yugyeom:** Did you just change the chat name kook 

**BamBam:** no that was me ur friendship is adorable

**Jungkook:** I misssss you

**Jungkook:** When do you come back to seoullll

**Yugyeom:** I missed you a lot! And you’re gone more than I am...

**Yugyeom:** But I’m back! I’m tirrrred

**Yugyeom:** So!

**Yugyeom:** You’re my new pillow jk! Love you

**Jungkook:** I WILL ACCEPT

**Mingyu:** They’re so weird

**DK:** They’re our best friends, we’re / _supposed_ / to deal with the secondhand embarrassment 

**BamBam:** Plus they’ve been friends for a really long time

**BamBam:** Also did u bishes forget about me???

**Jungkook:** He was my first same age friend in four years :)

**Eunwoo:** They’re idiots but they’re our idiots

**Jaehyun:** We love you!!!

**The8:** Kookie were your friends too!!! We need to have an outing!!!

**Jungkook:** Cat cafe or bowling??

**Mingyu:** GUYS STOP EVERYTHING

**Mingyu:** SEOKIE LEFT THE CUTEST LIL DOODLES ON HAOS ARM

**Jaehyun:** Awwwwwwwwww

**Eunwoo:** Cute~~

**Eunwoo:** you’re all so cute I’m happy to be here!

**Jungkook:** You know, I really don’t see a lot of people my own age because I’m two years younger than my fellow maknaes and no other bh employee is 97 so im really happy I met yug and all of you

**Jungkook:** im happy all of you are here

**BamBam:** Kook Σ('◉⌓ ◉’)

**BamBam:** ♡

**Mingyu:** We love you too! 

**Jungkook:** This reminds me of the time when Yoongi hyung was working on his mixtape and he was barely on the same page as anyone and jin hyung was really sad because they couldn’t talk so he got them handcuffs and attached himself to hyung while he was sleeping

**BamBam:** How

**Jungkook:** Lots of love~~~ that’s what tae tae kept saying

**Jungkook:** Idk what he meant though

**Yugyeom:** Look gguk how about we show you

**Jungkook:** Show me?

**Yugyeom:** Handcuffs would keep your arms in place so you can’t use em

**DK:** You’d be relying on us to make you feel good

**Jungkook:** ???

**Jungkook:** Isn’t this a group chat

**BamBam:** Oh we’d help! Since ggukie should have a lot of ~~hands on~~ assistance

**Mingyu:** Maybe if he can’t use his hands we should cover his eyes so he can’t even tell what we’d do next

**Jungkook:** And use me? Just make my body your own personal dumpster?

**Eunwoo:** Maybe even mark it so people know it’s ours

**The8:** Well how should we do that?

**Jaehyun:** Slapping him? Sucking on him? Handprints from wrapping our fingers around his neck?

**Jungkook:** I’d like that more than I’d like to admit

**BamBam:** Oh we’d make you admit it if you want it

**Mingyu:** Hold up before this shitshow continues 

**Mingyu:** Wtf kook you knew exactly what tae meant 

**Jungkook:** I mean I didn’t 100% make the connection but that was really fucking funny 

**Jungkook:** Also I cannot believe you guys just jumped right in

**BamBam:** Get you bros who you can joke sext

**Eunwoo:** _Was_ it a joke?( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Eunwoo:** Sorry sorry I can’t stop laughing wait a sex

**Eunwoo** : OHSHIT

**Eunwoo:** SEC

**Eunwoo:** WAIT A SEC

**BamBam:** HAHAHAHAHAH

**Jungkook:** OMFG

**Jaehyun:** tbh taeyong hyung would give me so much shit for being in a group chat where we do stupid things like fake sext bc it could destroy nct but i love goofing off with you guys

**Eunwoo:** jinjin too but I’m happy I joined :) 

**BamBam:** stg our friendship is half us just being rebellious maknae line members 

**BamBam:** Eunwoo how has it been since the comeback?

**Eunwoo:** I missed performing on stage rather than in front of cameras

**BamBam:** face genius actor boi

**Yugyeom:** guys go to bed it’s late and a lot of us have upcoming comebacks

  
**Jungkook:** goodnight!!!

**Mingyu:** sleep well talented boys


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {ErikaNeko (cont.): ...also compliment war please and thank you. Spread that love and appreciation shit} Ok this is the crackheadery I signed up for let’s do this.

**  
[WE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED]**

**BamBam:** NOW MY BRETHREN

**BamBam:** WE COME TO APPRECIATE 

**BamBam:** THE BEAUTY AND GRACE OF ONE YUGYEOM

**Yugyeom:** YOURE BRINGING IT HERE YOU GORGEOUS MOFO??

**Eunwoo:** Do I smell a compliment war?

**DK:** Fuck

**DK:** The peace 

**BamBam:** That you expertly maintain everywhere you go with your mere presence? You wonderful person of good heart?

**Yugyeom:** Are we going to be that grandiose? OF COURSE! 

**Yugyeom:** For you deserve only the most flamboyant gestures Eunwoo 

**Eunwoo:** Geesh you’re such an AMAZING FRIEND YUG

**Jaehyun:** Oh yeah?

**Jaehyun:** Well your eyes sparkle like STARS Seokie

**DK:** Coming from the strong bodily and mentally boy?

**Yugyeom:** Ugh your passion is just contagious seok

**Jungkook:** Like the passion you have for dance that shows with your well executed moves yug

**BamBam:** UM HI HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF 

**The8:** Yh bam have you seen your on point fashion sense that deserves headlines for every outfit?

**DK:** Minghao! You wonderful language genius!

**Mingyu:** omfg guys stop we all love e/o that’s enough 

**Mingyu:** call truce, wonderful people?

**Yugyeom:** call truce, wonderful person~

**DK:** ^

**BamBam:** ^^

**Jungkook:** ^^^

**Eunwoo:** Sure

**The8:** DUDE YOU BROKE IT 

**The8:** But yeah truce

**Jaehyun:** fine but y’all better love yourselves 

**Jaehyun:** remember that even if you don’t we do!

**DK:** dude I did not need to know what you do behind closed doors

**Jaehyun:** OMFG SEOK


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puns.  
> Lots of puns.  
> IMPORTANT: Still accepting requests. If you caught the non-language references, kookies with sugaed tae to you~~

**[Gangnam Style Gang]**

**Mingyu:** We need new names ours are boring

**UWoo:** this is disgusting 

**UWoo:** Both this and the new chatname 

**Jungkook:** I’ll change it

**WooHoo:** isn’t that simlish for sex

**Yugyeom:** Oh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Cybersex:** I’m not Doja Cat tho?

**DK:** You know that song?

**Eunwoo:** Duh

**DK:** *billie eilish intensifies*

**RocketBoi:** what no stop it

**Yugyeom:** GOT IT

**AssOClock:** wtf

**Yugyeom:** Morning alarm is cliche

**AssOClock:** Early bird?

**Yugyeom:** No I feel like that’s already your nickname _elsewhere_

**AssOClock:** ...ill keep it. But I’m doing yours

**Yugyeom:** *softly, with feeling* _fuck_

**AssOClock:** Hehehehehe

**BrownieBite:** Uhhhh ok?

**Mingyu:** @DK do mine! 

**DK:** well I’m not super sure but here

**Tol:** I’ll take it

**Tol:** want me to do yours

**DK:** im scared but yes

**Tol:** ;)))

**DonKey:** Fine ig idc

**Jaehyun:** will no one do me

**BamBam:** :D

**Stronk:** uh ok

**Jungkook:** wait jaehyun has bam then loooool

**BamBam:** shit

**Stronk:** oh so i do

**DabGremlin:**...

**DabGremlin:** I’ll take it

**The8:** well um jk ill do yours then

**JKLOL:** i have this nickname elsewhere tho

**The8:** don’t care its here now 

**JKLOL:** ok then 

**GoodGood:** Ok I like this

**DabGremlin:** I dont get it

**GoodGood:** It’s a Chinese pun 

**GoodGood:** <https://dictionary.hantrainerpro.com/chinese-english/translation-hao_good.htm>

**GoodGood:** if that helps

**JKLOL:** Namjoon hyung helped 

**BrownieBite:** Of course it wasn’t yours

**JKLOL:** Mean

**AssOClock:** still a bit confused the characters are different

**DabGremlin:** but they SOUND the same that’s how puns work

**AssOClock:** sooo like this

**HotIssue:** I mean I guess?

**GoodGood:** Whut 

**HotIssue:** // 정 **국** //

**DabGremlin:** That’s actually pretty funny

**HotIssue:** Ok roll call! 

**AssOClock:** I’m Eunwoo

**Stronk:** Jaehyun

**DabGremlin:** ‘tis i

**DabGremlin:** BamBam

**BrownieBite:** Yugyeom 

**HotIssue:** Jungkook lol

**DabGremlin:** not funny that’s not ur name anymore

**DonKey:** Seokmin ig 

**GoodGood:** The8 here

**Stronk:** Isn’t that already a nickname tho

**GoodGood:** Shut up! 

**Stronk:** And Mingyu?

**Tol:** Hi!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**[MISTAKES WERE MADE]**

**HotIssue:** Hhhh

**Stronk:** Oh you’re alive how’s life

**HotIssue:** I’ve just slept twelve hours let’s sleep fifteen more

**AssOClock:** That’s a coma dude

**HotIssue:** fun 

**Stronk:** NO

**HotIssue:** I love my job but I’m slep 

**HotIssue:** So tired

**GoodGood:** Bc bts works hard as hell

**DonKey:** Btw have y’all met the people from source ever

**HotIssue:** Hobi hyung introduced me to some gfriend members who were trainees at bighit once

**HotIssue:** But we’re both busy most of the time

**BrownieBite:** The girl who did the 97 line stage was really skilled 

**Tol:** They’re great dancers, ‘twas a good move to acquire them 

**BrownieBite:** They’re the first bighit girl group since GLAM rite

**HotIssue:** Ye 

**HotIssue:** But if we do what I think we’re gonna do they won’t be the last

**Jaehyun:**?

**[Menaces to Society]**

**DonKey:** JEON JEONGGUK

**HotIssue:** Great to see u

**HotIssue:** But who’s guarding hell 

**DonKey:** DID YOU KNOW BIGHIT WAS PLANNING TO ACQUIRE PLEDIS

**HotIssue:** Duh

**HotIssue:** I hinted at it ages ago

**HotIssue:** They’ve only /just/ started talks though how did you know?

**Tol:** ON A HAPPIER NOTE 

**Tol:** I put the hot in photo

**DabGremlin:** How tf would you put the hot in potato

**Tol:** I’m hot

**AssOClock:** And you misread it

**DabGremlin:**...so I did

**Tol:** It is very important that I be cute and powerful 

**Tol:** And I am

**DabGremlin:** How 

**Tol:** Water

**Tol:** water can solve all problems

**GoodGood:** Weight loss? Drink water

**AssOClock:** Clear skin? Drink water

**HotIssue:** Tired of someone? Drown them

**Stronk:** JUNGKOOK

**HotIssue:** sorry a coordi noona born at that time is in the room it’s the influence of asparagus 

**HotIssue:** Aquarius*

**Stronk:** Astrology isn't real

**GoodGood:** Literally nothing is real. Your name is gibberish, but you still answer to it because you crave identity and structure, you pathetic fucking homo erectus 

**DabGremlin:** Go “OFF” hao

**HotIssue:** ?

**DabGremlin:** Spice up insta comments with random quotation marks

**GoodGood:** “Congrats” on your baby

**Stronk:** Congrats on “your” baby

** HotIssue : ** Congrats on your “baby”

**AssOClock:** “Congrats on your baby”

**AssOClock:** Am I doing this right?

**Stronk:** Sometimes I forget you’re capable of being cute

**AssOClock:** That’s my concept loser

**Stronk:** I’ll kill you

**GoodGood:** Here's the thing though, is it still a murder if I give them a heads up?

**HotIssue:** I think that’s called a threat.

**DonKey:** Omfg

**DonKey:** I just asked jun what was attached to his head 

**DonKey:** Which was apparently a towel he rolled up and stuck to his face with a headband 

**DonKey:** But hoshi deadass goes “his brain”

**Stronk:** and you’re surprised 

**DonKey:** I’m embarrassed to admit I was


	9. Chapter 9

**[WE DRINKING IF I DIE BLAME JIMIN]**

**HotIssue:** Oh my gosh drunk jimin is amazing 

**HotIssue:** Jin hyung reaches into his backpack and he asked if he was getting out peppermints bc he was old

**DabGremlin:** I WANT TO DRINK WITH BANGTAN

**AssOClock:** Wait why did he drink

**HotIssue:** Poor thing got over stressed taetae forced us all to sit down and relax

**HotIssue:** OMFG

**HotIssue:** So tae and hobi hyung were playing around and tae was tryna draw on hobi hyung so jimin held him down but then tae who is also v v drunk pinned hobi hyung to a wall and demands jimin apologize

**HotIssue:** So hobi hyung being hobi hyung points out that he needs to point the permanent marker at the person he wants to threaten so he / _does_ /

**HotIssue:** AND JIMIN GRABS IT, JUMPS ON THE TABLE AND FUCKING YELLS

**HotIssue:** AHA SEE HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED

**HotIssue:** AND YEETS THE MARKER OUT A WINDOW

**DabGremlin:** HAHAHAHAH

**DonKey:**...wow that’s all I want in life

**HotIssue:** our neighbor knocked on the floor (our ceiling) and yelled stfu

**Tol:** just goals

**DabGremlin:** I mean the thaidols went drinking in Thailand once and sorn was asking if we wanted to try the veal tongue tacos and lalisa glares at her and goes tf did u call me but that’s the craziest thing I’ve had

**BrownieBite:** no remember when we went drinking and mark started calling us thot7 and Jackson revealed a pup kink

**AssOClock:** mark hyungnim is low key wild isnt he 

**HotIssue:** lbr high key wild

**AssOClock:** r u drunk

**HotIssue:** was gonna but then I realized

**HotIssue:** _this is prime blackmail material_

**DonKey:** spill? 

**Tol:** what are the oldest two doing

**HotIssue:** jin hyung is eating, and laughing at something on tv 

**Tol:** im hungry:( what is he eating

**DonKey:** i have thai come out of bed

**Tol:** RUNNING

**GoodGood:** ok and suga hyungnim 

**HotIssue:** he told us to F off when we tried to bring him so now he has a very drunk joon hyung cajoling over the phone he’s prolly coming to stop him 

**GoodGood:** why miss such a great opportunity 

**HotIssue:** i think he was working on smth he’s hoping to give to txt 

**Tol:** TXT! So cute

**DabGremlin:** we all have amazing lil bro groups 

**Stronk:** I heard lil brother groups?

**Stronk:** is now the time for me to express my love for dreamies and the utter nonchalance taeyong hyung treats them with making him like the BIGGEST boy crush to them

**BrownieBite:** cute... stray kids are talented af but they were chaos from the start

**HotIssue:** hi have you seen txt let loose

**BrownieBite:** every time I see them I’m with _you_ and you’re some big bro figure to them and they get all shy and cute

**HotIssue:** you introduced them to you and Jaehyun fuckin looks me in the eyes and goes welcome to hyung life ggukie _hyung_ you never escape it and im still salty that soobinah giggled

**DabGremlin:** Don’t lie you were laughing as hard as that Hawaiian kid

**DabGremlin:** i think his name was kai?

**Tol:** they were clutching each other and laughing so hard i thought they’d fall

**GoodGood:** why are y’all surprised the foreign member is willing to be chaotic

**DabGremlin:** True 

**GoodGood:** we have more fun in our companies 

**DabGremlin:** even if media is full of RACIST BIGOT ASSHOLES

**HotIssue:** nio nef ucks w kookiesfriends

**HotIssue:** leys killllm ALL

**Tol:** Hi jimin hyungnim

**HotIssue:** bitch callkw diminw 

**Tol:** ok diminie hyungnim 

**HotIssue:** GOOD

**GoodGood:** hey can you give kook back his phone?

**HotIssue:** yourw goodgopd is that multipld r added goods

**GoodGood:** exponents! 

**HotIssue:** OK!_(:3  」∠ )_

**HotIssue:** thanks I had to get a very sleepy and philosophical rm hyung off of my arm

**Tol:** ooof

**HotIssue:** he was deadass debating ruling a country and then dominating the world with 4 puppies a crab army and a can of glitter

**Tol:** can you even get cans of glitter?

**HotIssue:** wait then where tf did he get the one he’s holding BYE

**[Hi! Useless AN here! For those curious, the peppermint thing was my older sibling during a vacation, only they weren’t drunk and it was butterscotch. They said it to our mother they’re lucky our parents love their asshole self lol. The marker thing was me in middle school. It ended up in the yearbook. Oh and the towel thing in a previous chapter was me with my siblings, older sibling was hoshi, younger sibling had the towel was walking around the house like that.**

**VEAL TONGUE TACOS WAS MY PARENTS IN A RESTAURANT AND WE WILL NEVER EVER LET THEM FORGET IT. THE WAITER WAS TRYING VERRRY HARD NOT TO LAUGH.**

**Oh and you can pry savage!mark :) from :) my :) cold :) dead :) hands :)**

**Also... does canned glitter exist? It comes in tubes, bags, or plastic I find. Sometimes glass if the store is impractical. But I have never seen canned glitter do y’all know if it exists?]**


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya bitch is back uwu  
> Still taking requests

** [JJ HAS SHIT TO SAY]  **

**Stronk:** Hey guys good morning! 

**Stronk:** as you can see by the chat name I have things to say so dont interrupt

**Stronk:** The garbage truck passed my place 

**Stronk:** Kook you missed your bus 

**trash:** _who changed my name I love it_

**AssOClock:** I did but I’m fixing it 

**JKLOL:** Die.

**AssOClock:** Please?

**Stronk:** Eunwoo u good

**AssOClock:** Ye

**AssOClock:** Just stressed and sick of being “the cinnamon roll” 

**AssOClock:** Like I’m an adult with my own chaos energy and that’s deadass the only reason I act cute so treat. me. like. it.

**AssOClock:** maybe if I’m wearing pink or a skirt I’m not being cute o-fucking-kay 

**JKLOL:** Ok but Hao and Seok also have reputations as cinnamon rolls but we know the truth that they’re multifaceted human beings beyond a stage persona

**JKLOL:** if anyone _respects_ and is truly a fan of an idol they should understand and respect that that there is more to us than they see and are privileged to

**JKLOL:** and all clothing is unisex if people stop being a lil bitch about it

**Tol:** Are you just... channeling RM hyungnim

**JKLOL:** I mean

**JKLOL:** a little bit of jin hyung and Suga hyung but 

**JKLOL:** That was the plan 

**Stronk:** Not a great plan 

**Stronk:** speaking of awful plans

**Stronk:** what happened with the can of mystery glitter

**JKLOL:** _EXCUSE YOU_

**JKLOL:** HYUNG HAS SPOKEN AT THE UN IS A WELL KNOWN GENIUS PRODUCER AND RAPPER

**Tol:** calm down he was kiddin

**Stronk:** As if anyone could actually dislike the man kim namjoon hyungnim has grown into

**Stronk:** now tell me

**Stronk:** what happened with the mystery glitter I missed some good shit last night 

  
**JKLOL:** im not telling we dont talk abt it

**DabGremlin:** HHHHHHHH THIS NEW CHOREO IS FUCKIN ME UP FAM

**Stronk:** Soooo

**Stronk:** This all seems horrible

**BrownieBite:** _(it’s honestly really fucking hard but bam is the only one complaining so we’re all just letting him voice our opinions as it is)_

**DabGremlin:** I think I pulled a muscle 

**Stronk:** Can’t pull what you don’t have boo

**JKLOL:** Why are we shocked jae 

**JKLOL:** if anyone can pull invisible muscles it’s bam

**JKLOL:** That guy’s brain is a bag of cats you can smell the crazy in him

**GoodGood:** I understood that reference!

**Tol:** soo

**Tol:** you just went from fighting to allying and attacking bam

**DonKey:** and you’re surprised because?

**DabGremlin:** shut up gguk you look like an action figure i put in the microwave 

**JKLOL:** how tf were you even near a microwave could you reach

**DabGremlin:** Not even gunna dignify that 

**JKLOL:** You’re a sentient bubonic plague  


** Stronk: ** microscopic?

**DabGremlin:** Calm down you cups of decaf 

**[WHAM BAM BAM RANT HOURS]**

**DabGremlin:** So I said

**DabGremlin:** Hold on are you even listening 

**DabGremlin:** And this jerk of a mark hyung says

**DabGremlin:** Well I can hear you talking

**DabGremlin:** So I get thinking

**DabGremlin:** Do my friends hate me or do I need sleep but like irl

**DonKey:** Both?

**DabGremlin:** YAH

**JKLOL:** YALL

**JKLOL:** THE BBIBBIMBAP PLACE BY US HAS A JUKEBOX

**JKLOL:** AND WHATS NEW PUSSYCAT IS AVAILABLE 

**DabGremlin:** ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING

**Tol:** EMULATE OUR LORD AND SAVIOR???

**DabGremlin:** LETS FUCKING GO

**GoodGood:** Who?

**Stronk:** Oh you sweet summer child

**DonKey:** Let us introduce you to john mulaney ok

**GoodGood:** Ok!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Also, I'd love to see the boys gushing about their junior groups, maybe? LIke JK gushing about how cute TXT is whenever they interact} ErikaNeko you’re such a sweetheart I love

** [Hi I’m A Chaos Ghéy] **

**DabGremlin:** fact: if you're not dead, you're alive. 

**DabGremlin:** fact: if you're alive forever, you're immortal

**DabGremlin:** fact: i am alive and i don't know if, how and when i'll die

**DabGremlin:** conclusion: i might be immortal

**glitter:** If I become immortal I will dedicate my life to learning the mystery of the canned glitter

**JKLOL:** jfc jaehyun

**Tol:** Rule number one of canned glitter is you don’t talk about canned glitter 

**JKLOL:** Jfc im not telling you guys

** [Bangtan Chat Room] **

**RM:** Taeyong-ssi just texted me.

**RM:** Are the other 97-Liners still asking about the canned glitter incident?

**Jungkook:** Yup. _Kill me now._

**Jimin:** you _never_ respond

**Jimin:** forgot u were in this chat

**Jungkook:** o well

**Jimin:** YAH JUNGKOOK 

**Jin:** He’s gone you’re not getting him back

**Jimin:** T-T

** [MYSTERY CREW] **

**GoodGood:** Do txt know

**Tol:** NO

**DabGremlin:** NO

**BrownieBite:** YOU STARTED HELL

**JKLOL:** TXT

**JKLOL:** I LIVE

**JKLOL:** BABIES

**JKLOL:** I LOVE THEM 

**DonKey:** He’s saying that bc of the display they did when they visited on tour he’s loved them since

  
**glitter:** tbh its since he’s begun interesting with them in the bangtxt chat

**BrownieBite:** Yh why didn’t stray kids do cute things for us:(

**GoodGood:** Its ok they cute

**DabGremlin:** Yh but have you been bowling with them they go all soff 

**Tol:** WHAT

**Tol:** WE NEED TO TAKE THEM BOWLING ASAP

**AssOClock:** do i even have a junior group

**AssOClock:** i want one

**Tol:** Don’t you have that ong seungwoo kid?

**AssOClock:** He’s older than us

**Tol:** Wtf HOW

**AssOClock:** YAH ARE YOU SAYING I LOOK OLD

**glitter:** On another note the dream kids are lovely and we love them

**glitter:** Smol bbs we love:(

**MOA:** Ok but the txt kids?? They’re aegyo stuffed on stage and 100/5 dance skills? And how STABLE they can sing? Admirable

**Tol:** did

**Tol:** did he just change his name to the fandom name?

**DonKey:** can we consider txt our bb group too

**MOA:** bangtan’s babies first and foremost|( ￣ 3 ￣ )|

**MOA:** THEN bighit labels’ babies

**GoodGood:** I can still be their hyung that’s enough for me( ๑ > ◡ < ๑ )

**glitter:** Um the dreams have unit stans for a reason

**glitter:** Like their voices and harmony?

**BrownieBite:** Ok but stray kids are so fun and powerful

**AssOClock:** cut it out:(

**AssOClock:** we have no bb group now I’m sad

**MOA:** yet

**AssOClock:** um jeon jeongguk _what_ are you implying

**Tol:** He’s offline

**AssOClock:** UM JUNGKOOK????

**glitter:** buy sm next!! 

**DabGremlin:** no by YG and give lalisa the gd respect she deserves


	12. Chapter 12

**[HENLO IT IS I]**

**glitter:** NERDS

**Tol:** Most people address others with hello

**GoodGood:** Who is this?

**MOA:** WinWin? 

**glitter:** Nope:)

**glitter:** JAEHYUN HAS A CROSSDRESSING KINK

**Tol:** Mmmm the _tea_ is HOT

**DonKey:** Whut

**Tol:** Yuta?

**glitter:** D: how did you guess

**Tol:** loud

**GoodGood:** Wait a minute let’s go back to the cross dressing 

**Tol:** We all saw it online tho?

**glitter:** HE KEPT THE DRESS AND IS WEARING IT AROUND THE HOUSE

**MOA:** what about it

**glitter:** youre no fun

**CrossyRoad:** i got my phone back

**CrossyRoad:** Shit

**BrownieBite:** Soooo cross dressing? If you want us to call you noona we can~

**MOA:** just know that dressing pretty doesn’t make you a girl but if you want us to treat you like one we can~~

**CrossyRoad:** _Would you like to engage in the act of shutting the fuck up_

**MOA:** I should come with next time and try things on too

**GoodGood:** Me too i want someone to tell me I’m pretty and validate me

**CrossyRoad:** Cease

** [Bangtan Chat Room] **

**JoonJoon:** So I was hanging out with Jackson and he called Suga hyung scary. 

**JoonJoon:** I said he wasn’t. Jinyoung-ssi asked if I knew anyone scarier.

**JoonJoon:** BamBam said your name kookah. Yugyeom said you were satan.

**Ggukie:** :)

**Minnie:** _What did you unleash_

** [Lil Bitches] **

**BTS’s:** Satan says hi:)

**GOT7’s:** Hi

**BTS’s:** You know, I already knew I was high above you. But for you to be a lowly foot servant to me being on the throne by your own admission? Thanks :)

**GOT7’s:** No I am Satan

**BTS’s:** You invoked my name:)

**BTS’s:** I know:)

**GOT7’s:** It's like when you ate a kid and say very fast loser say what and how much they say what

**GOT7’s:** You said Satan says hi and I said hi

**BTS’s:** I said hi u lil witch

**BTS’s:** I heard you invoke my name today:)

**BTS’s:** I do not take kindly to you dismissing how frightening I am:)

**GOT7’s:** You aren't very frightening

**BTS’s:** Joon hyung told me about got7’s dorm visit

**GOT7’s:** What about it

**BTS’s:** You called me satan

**GOT7’s:** I was kidding 

**BTS’s:** Doesn’t matter its hilarious

**BTS’s:** Idk why people think im scary im weird and vaguely cute

**GOT7’s:** You are Satan though only in personalty

**BTS’s:** ???

**GOT7’s:** Who told you you where cute

**BTS’s:** :(

**BTS’s:** *were

**GOT7’s:** Satan is not a being that has any features

**GOT7’s:** So how could Satan be cute

**BTS’s:** I’m not...actually satan you do know that right

**GOT7’s:** Suuuuree

**BTS’s:** The real question is do i dignify this with a response

**GOT7’s:** You did

**BTS’s:** Valid 

**BTS’s:** And i do have features so there im not satan

**BTS’s:** Oddly cute features like a stingray face

**GOT7’s:** Maybe you are a shapeshifter 

**BTS’s:** :/

**BTS’s:** Are you satan or am i satan im confused

**BTS’s:** I think you are if you eat kids

**GOT7’s:** I don’t know anymore 

**BTS’s:** ...me neither how about neither 

**GOT7’s:** How about minghao is

**BTS’s:** That works!

**GOT7’s:** I agree

**BTS’s:** You break the news I want my wrist in one piece

**GOT7’s:** Ok

** [97 Chatroom] **

**GoodGood:** YOU LITTLE FUCKERS

**GoodGood:** PICK UP YOUR PHONES YOU LIL BITCHES

**BrownieBite:** I DONT WANT TO PAY FINES FOR A PUBLIC DISTURBANCE  


**CrossyRoad:** Holy shit what did you do  
  


**Tol:** Thughao is maddd

  
**DonKey:** imgonnadietellmymomilovedher


	13. Chapter 13

Stream EGO cowards, GFriend’s comeback was amazing and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise, Dun Dun was a bop but yeah the line distribution was shit

Moving on....

_I have a game for y’all!_

If someone can guess which conversation from the last chapter was in real life word for word and who I was, you’re getting a minor OC names after you from a company of your choice!

**[97NHeaven]**

**BrownieBite:** Chew a lightbulb 

**DonKey:** >:I

**DonKey:** Snort my shit

**GoodGood:** That aint normal 

**CrossyRoad:** You can’t talk normal when your eyes look like a sims scaled eye distance to max

**AssOClock:** Who’s the one obsessed with some can of glitter 

**CrossyRoad:** Ouch

**DabGremlin:** ...what?

**GoodGood:** Who is this?

**DabGremlin:** Hi! It’s youngjae~~

**MOA:** You shouldn’t be here but you’re adorable so whatever

**DonKey:** Something happened with a can of glitter in bangtan’s dorm 

**DabGremlin:** Like spray glitter?

**DonKey:** No like a soup or fruit can but with glitter

**DabGremlin:** Tin cans of glitter? Those exist?

**AssOClock:**...we don’t know

**CrossyRoad:** Anywitch smth happened and gguk is being shadie as hell abt what so I wanna kno

**DabGremlin:** WAIT IS THAT WHAT JIMINIE WAS TALKING ABOUT

**MOA:** THAT LITTLE BITCH

** [Bangtan Chat Room] **

**JK:** PARK JIMIN 

**JM:** I AM YOUR HYUNG U LIL SHITTLE

**JK:** I know your _sin_

**JM:** What

**JK:** You told youngjae 

**JM:** Shit

**NJ:** Seriously, Jimin?

**JM:** I can’t resist cute things

**SJ:** A WHOLE YOONGI EXISTS

** [Thot4 ft Mark, Youngjae, Jaebum] **

**Yugyummy:** Ok youngjae hyung spill

**Precious:** Uh I can’t

**Precious:** Sope just threatened me

**JaeButt:** I’m sorry, what?

**DabDab:** Jimin told him smth jaehyuns been tryna get out of jk 

**JaeButt:** No not that, you were threatened?

**Precious:** They told me to keep my mouth shut 

** [Leaders] **

**JB:** @RM control your band mates 

**RM:** What?

**JB:** Suga-ssi and J-Hope-ssi _threatened_ one of my members. 

**RM:** Great so Bangtan’s comeback will be four members:) thanks for the memo

**Jinjin:** ...what did I just see

** [Astro-World] **

**JinJin:** um dongmin what’s going on with BTS and GOT7 

**Eunwoo:** ahhh~

**Eunwoo:** jk was keeping a secret that apparently jimin hyungnim told youngjae hyungnim 

**JinJin:** you know suga sunbaenim and jhope sunbaenim threatened him

**Eunwoo:** ...

** [97NHeaven] **

**AssOClock:** SO

**AssOClock:** sope hyungnims threatened youngjae

**MOA:** HAHAHAHAHA

** [Bangtan Chat Room] **

**JK:** Soooo sope hyungs threatened youngjae

**JK:** And joon hyung is gonna kill them

**HS:** Wtf we just threatened to bluntly reference what happened when our groups went drinking together 

**YG:** Dramatic bitch 

**SJ:** reevaluate your everything @joon

**RM:** LEAVE ME ALONE ASSHOLE

**SJ:** IM ENTITLED TO MY OPINION

**RM:** YOURE ALSO ENTITLED TO STFU

**SJ:** GET OFF MY DICK YOU MELODRAMATIC WHORE

**RM:** BITCH YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE MY DICK

**TH:** Sheesh

**SJ:** Shut up this isnt about you

**TH:** Group chat dumbasses

**JM:** Y’all know it’s real if kook is on this chat and taetae is cursing

**TH:** Make up you twerps

**SJ:** <3?

**NJ:** Sure why not

**TH:** Do the thing

**NJ:** <3

** [Canned Glitter Cult (Don’t tell Gguk)] **

**DevoutLeader:** So does tinned glitter exist 

**MildlyInterested:** I can’t find it but one of the twice girls pointed out that mini ones exist 

**Skeptic:** You know the can could have been for something else first right 

**DevoutLeader:** ...

**Skeptic:** Idiots


	14. Chapter 14

** [Blood Pressure] **

**GoodGood:** Im salty

**DabGremlin:** Why

**GoodGood:** Txt can’t b our babies 

**MOA:** the deal fell through then?

**DonKey:** They tabled it but it looks like we can’t be label mates yet:(

**CrossyRoad:** Why deny bighit tho

**MOA:** Bc yall r getting success liek u _deserve_

**AssOClock:** ...so they’re holding out to see if they can get more money solo got it 

**Tol:** We can interact on weverse tho

**MOA:** NOT. ENOUGH.

**BrownieBite:** You’re crazy

**MOA:** You’re dead

**BrownieBite:** I’m in my 20s _bitch_ don’t threaten me with a good time 

**MOA:** I just noticed that I?? Aggressively compliment people?

**MOA:** Someone: you’re smart You’ll be fine

**MOA:** Me: um hI HAVE YOU SEEN URSELF

**BrownieBite:** kermit sewerside to take the mind off of it

**AssOClock:** Dont u dare ill go feral

**BrownieBite:** Try me bitch i crAve death

**MOA:** Jfc yugs r u ok

**BrownieBite:** Haaaaaaah

**BrownieBite:** No 


	15. Chapter 15

**[Music BOIS]**

**MOA:** I’ve just been streaming psycho bc I can and can I say

**MOA:** Ugh Wendy’s VOICE 

**MOA:** let her have everything she wants shes an ARTIST 

**MOA:** Literally fuck sbs 

**CrossyRoad:** SM bros:)))) if I see rv ill let them know 

**MOA:** I was listening and my hyungs sat w me and I was just bopping hobihyung

**Tol:** Are you sure that’s what u want to do with him

**MOA:** ...i know what im about sir

**DabGremlin:** Okay but have we complemented ego yet

**MOA:** Yes you fucking blew up my phone


	16. Chapter 16

** [Psychos] **

**DabGremlin:** You can do it!

**DonKey:** I did it!

**Tol:** See!

**Tol:** Wasn’t that easy!

**DonKey:** I have never been so stressed in my entire life 

**GoodGood:** Do u need a hug

**MOA:** We all do at this point

**CrossyRoad:** JK is babey

**MOA:** I am 5 and I can and will bench press your Whole family

**AssOClock:** Should I be afraid

**Tol:** For sure

**DonKey:** I hate this fucking family

**AssOClock:** Bitch who said we were a family

**CrossyRoad:** Bitch I have have videos of you saying you love us you FUCKING LIAR

** [SKSKSKSK] **

**Bitch:** Please tell me you got pics of him videoing

**Asshole:** Ummmm

**Bitch:** You’re dead to me

**[Psychos]**

**Liar:** give me baCK MY NAME


	17. Chapter 17

**[OKURRR]**

**Tol:** BamBam’s height

**Tol:** That’s it. That’s the tweet.

**MOA:** This is a group chat dumbass

**Liar:** Was that necessary 

**DonKey:** Assert Dominance 

**BrownieBite:** You guys are funny:)

**BrownieBite:** Nine planets, 7 billion people and I still met you guys<3

**Liar:** That’s sweet but there’s only eight planets 

**BrownieBite:** VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

**GoodGood:** M sorry but that reminds me of that one time I was in school and my teachers were yelling at each other as a speech and I was barely listening like

**GoodGood:** This speech so _way_ too long

**GoodGood:** I wonder if they’d make it shorter if they knew we were on our phones

**DonKey:** They were students once too they just don’t care 

  
**DonKey:** and neither do i 

**GoodGood:** Fine 

**DonKey:** Splendid

**GoodGood:** Marvelous

**DonKey:** Wonderful

**MOA:** What are they doing

**Liar:** They’re mad at e/o but don’t want to talk abt it

**CrossyRoad:** Tell me something I don’t Know

**GoodGood:** Scooby doo basically teaches kids that villains arent strangers but the people we know and trust

**DonKey:** Omfg you salty bitch

**GoodGood:** I’m a copa cagna chirrens

**Liar:** _???_


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst and fluff Because I Can.

** If you get triggered by self deprecating thoughts, this may not be the chapter for you. I write this in part because idols are funny and chaotic, but they’re also human. If this message means anything to you, I’m asking that you do the right thing and think before you speak or post about a celebrity or public figure. Words can really hurt, and those who hear it too many times begin to believe what they shouldn’t. (On a lighter note, Jae’s question is NOT intended to be an age insult please don’t be insulted.) **

** I’m... a little scared to post this. Here goes..... **

** [SEOKMIN = MICROPHONE CONFIRMED] **

**Tol:** Them: how are you

**Tol:** Me, on the verge of a mental breakdown: take a fuckin guess

**Tol:** Them: oh ok you’re fine 

**Tol:** Petition to kill everyone the benefits is I would want to die way less:)

**CrossyRoad:** Jesus Christ who hurt you

**Tol:** The Romans, and don’t call me Jesus 

**CrossyRoad:** Speaking of romans

**CrossyRoad:** I feel absolutely terrible for saying this but am I the only one who gets nauseous when spending time with old people

**GoodGood:** What.

**CrossyRoad:** I mean they’re so cute and often quite friendly but their skin makes me nauseous

**MOA:** Old people are adorable fuckin fite me

**DonKey:** I just remember my school visiting an old persons home and playing headbands with these sweet old ladies who didn’t understand the rules very well and I felt _terrible_ for wanting to laugh when the one in the wheelchair asked if she was a vegetable

**Tol:** I don’t that’s _hilarious_

**DonKey:** You’re a terrible person

**Tol:** Wbk 

**Liar:** Ok _no_. Stop right. Fuckin. There.

**Liar:** first, I need to change my name

**Truther:** Don’t ever call yourself a terrible person.

**Tol:** You have guys known me for how long now?

**MOA:** Going on five years?

**GoodGood:** even longer

**Tol:** That’s definitely an ample amount of time to realize I am in fact a terrible person

**Tol:** Look I know I judge myself harshly but I’d rather be mean to myself than sugarcoat everything and be horrible to other people and assume I’m the good guy

**GoodGood:** And if you’re being horrible to yourself?

**Tol:** Better self inflict than inflict on others

  
**Tol:** and it’s honestly the truth in some ways

**Tol:** I know I’m not super good looking or talented and I’m barely a useful member with all twelve other talented people

**GoodGood:** youre deadass our center and an amazing dancer

**DonKey:** you know what

**DonKey:** That’s it

**GoodGood:** initiate sadsTM protocol 

**BrownieBite:** We are coming over with ice cream ramen cheap snacks soju soda blankets and movies 

**DabGremlin:** Fuck diets you’re eating some

**CrossyRoad:** And we are going to force you to accept that you are a good person who _deserves_ to be loved and have a self esteem

**Tol:** Bitch I’m an _idol_ my company and netizens _destroyed_ that shit a _long_ time ago

**DabGremlin:** And your friends are _building_ it back the fuck up so you’d better open that door for us

**YouAreLoved:** Ok

**BrownieBite:** <3

** [WE LOVE MINGYU HOURS] **

**YouAreLoved:** thanks guys

**YouAreLoved:** it means a lot to me that you cared

**GoodGood:** you have so many people who care about you and love you for you because you’re you

**GoodGood:** _never_ forget that

**MOA:** that’s great but the 97-chat + svt cuddle pile is waking up with our phones turn yours off <3

**GoodGood:** <3

**YouAreLoved:** <3


	19. Chapter 19

**[HENLO STINKLES]**

**DabGremlin:** When you break shit but fix it juuuust enough to make the next person to use it think they broke

**YouAreLoved:** YOU ABSOLUTE SHIT NO

**DabGremlin:** YES

**YouAreLoved:** THATS AMAZING OMF

**MOA:** Wait was _that_ why Jackson hyung said joonie hyungnim needed to be quarantined bc he’s infectious 

**BrownieBite:**...

**DabGremlin:** ...

**MOA:** ...

**DabGremlin:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LMAOOOO

**MOA:** speaking of strange hyung behavior 

**MOA:** Jin hyung sent this on the group chat today

**MOA:**

**Truther:** 10000 won says the pd line looked at it for lyrics 

**DabGremlin:** How dumb do you think we are to take that bet

  
**DonKey:** I did with no shame

**BrownieBite:** Bitch you never have shame


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STREAM ON COWARDS

** [[7](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gwMa6gpoE9I):)] **

**GoodGood:** You ever watch a drama with that cliche adoptive father figure trope

**GoodGood:** With this cute asf old man who just makes you smile cause he’s fucking insane

**GoodGood:** And then he does something g super fatherly and ur like

**GoodGood:** This man is THE SHIT

**MOA:** ???

**GoodGood:** Watching dramas from China and Imperial Doctress got me _fucked_ up fam

**YouAreLoved:** Ok?

**DonKey:** he rite tho

**DabGremlin:** Ok but why tf is it that he can talk tv shows but if i do yall yell

**Truther:** Because there’s a pecking order, sit down.

**DonKey:** Love me that confidence 

**Truther:** Confidence

**Truther:** An idiot’s fake-brilliance 

**DonKey:** :/

**Mean:** did I lie tho

**BrownieBite:** Whi shenskehh in

**Mean:** Let your brain be in charge instead of your mouth for once

**Mean:** @BamBam Control your mans

**DabGremlin:** No. You can have him.

**DonKey:** Oshit waddup

**BrownieBite:** you kno were not actually dating right

**CrossyRoad:** PROBLEMATIC SWINES

**DonKey:** JFC JUST SAY HELLO

**CrossyRoad:** STREAM [ON](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gwMa6gpoE9I)

**CrossyRoad:** KOOKIE IM SO PROUD

**CrossyRoad:** ART


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* Grossly indecent and reckless behavior. I’m 100% serious, full disclaimer at the bottom.

** DabGremlin: ** so I’ve been reading English fanfics and some of those are funny as hell

**MOA:** I tried to but I didn’t get the references

**DabGremlin:** learn slang ya simple bitch

**MOA:** im kinda a disaster

**Mean:** oh no we had no idea

**CrossyRoad:** thank u edgelord now sit down and let someone else speak 

**DonKey:** Can someone talk to Mingyu for me

**MOA:** what did u do

**Mean:** mingyu how did he fuck up this time

**YouAreLoved:** THIS DICKWAD

**YouAreLoved:** PUT KETCHUP

**YouAreLoved:** IN

**YouAreLoved:** MY 

**YouAreLoved:** UNDERWEAR

**YouAreLoved:** GOOGLE SAID I WAS DYING YOU ASSHOLE

**Mean:** oofy oofers

**DonKey:** NOT REASON TO PUT A MII FIGURINE UP MY ASS WHILE I WAS SLEEPING

**DonKey:** I HAD TO GET X-RAYS FOR THAT SHIT 

**DonKey:** I don’t know if you have ever seen the respect your doctor has for you just drain out of his eyes 

**DonKey:** but

**DonKey:** It’s very disheartening 

**YouAreLoved:** You dramatic bitch

**YouAreLoved:** Istg he’s like “if u look at me ill just kill myself”

**DramaticBitch:** FUUUUUCK YOU!

**Mean:** are they actually mad?

**GoodGood:** lmao no

  
**FULL DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR’S NOTE**

**PSA DONT STICK THINGS UP YOUR ASS WITHOUT PREP PLS N THANK**

**OWIE**

**No Really- dont stick irregularly shaped things up the anus, especially without prep or consent, it can get stuck and i think that’s qualified as rape **

**Yes, these ARE incredibly dangerous actions (and trivialization thereof)**

**I AM AWARE**

**These characters are works of fiction based on real people- and I would NEVER imply any of this (at least the above triggers) about the real people. This behavior of my wayward fictional sons (that felt gross to write) WILL be addressed. I do not condone sticking mii figurines up someone’s anus without consent or prep, I do not condone rape.**

**Any nasty ass comments from people who aren’t going to take this as 1/2 joke and 1/2 dark can leave, thanks.**

**If a lot of people are offended by this, I will apologize and take it down.**

**On a lighter note- my inner comment ho is thirsty**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**No really please comment :( I wanna do more requests but nobody’s asking**


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {070118_bora: More Jungkook centic chapters please!!} :D Thanks for commenting! I have a super angsty one here! I did my best because centric chapters are surprisingly hard! And a fluffy one is next because I!!! Feel!!! Guilty!!!! 
> 
> As per request, 
> 
> BTS MEMEbers
> 
> Kim Seokjin/Jin: SJ  
> Min Yoongi/Suga: SG, Sugar  
> Jung Hoseok/J-Hope: HS  
> Kim Namjoon/RM: NJ, RM  
> Park Jimin: JM, Mochi  
> Kim Taehyung/V: TH, Tea  
> MOA/JK/Cookies/Ggukie/Kook/Jungkook: Jungkook/ Jeon Jeongguk (97)
> 
> SEVENTEEN MEMEbers
> 
> S.Coups/Choi SeungCheol: S.Coups, Beagle  
> DramaticBitch/Seokie: DK/Seokmin (97)  
> GoodGood/Hao/Xu: The8/Xu Minghao (97)  
> YouAreLoved/Gyuu: Kim Mingyu (97)
> 
> NCT BOIS
> 
> Lee Taeyong: Taeyong, Natural  
> CrossyRoad/Jay/Yoonoh: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (97)
> 
> GOT7 LOVLIES
> 
> Im Jaebeom/JB: JB, NoseRing  
> Park Jinyoung/Jr.: DesignatedMother  
> DabGremlin/Smol/Bam/Bammie: BamBam (97)  
> BrownieBite/Lorge/Yuggie: Kim Yugyeom (97)
> 
> ASTRO KIDS
> 
> JinJin/Park Jinwoo: JinJin, Rat  
> Mean/Ox/Minnie: Cha Eunwoo/Lee Dongmin (97)

** [MemeSnipurs] **

** DramaticBitch:  ** I S̶̺̰̞̣͖̲̭̜̘̆̋̇͛̃̌̈̄̉͂͗̉̌̕͜ͅEE ̵̧̢̬̻͇͚̝͓͊͒̈́̃̂͌̈͒̑̚̚̕ͅTH̶̨̢̧̧̪̼̹̝̄̏̿́̀̓͠͝Ȇ̵̢̢̛̤̝̰̘̭͔̭̖͛͌͘͝ ̷̢̨̮̮͔̖͔̖̩̫̮́͂̈́͛͜͝WEI̶̙̼̮̦͐̽͝G̴̛͇̫̦͇͙̃̄̄̓͜͝Ḩ̷̨̩̮̗̖̩͊̑̍̈́̓̿̀̎͠ͅͅŢ̶̧͇̟͕̜̠̦̪̳̊̊̾̽͐͊͜͜͠ ̶̨̧̢̦̳̭̰̺̖̙̤̐̔̄͠O̴̫͍̐̀F̶̮̪̲͓͓̽̍͗̀̐̇͑͆̊̉̎̈͝͠ ̵̢̨͙̼̬̙͔͕̯̄̉͆̾́͒̃̓̉̈̈̿Ý̵̧̘̠̺̗̮̻̩͍̬͕̰̊͛̆̄ͅOŲ̴͖̪͍͊̾̈́̎̆͂͗R̶̛̥̫̭̐̎̏͋̕͠ S̵̢͍̦̫̥̭̪̗̬͆̈̓̾̈͊͊͗̈́͘̕͝ͅͅI̶̛͎̝͚͆̍́̃̌̿͂̉̈́̉NS̷̢͓̫̠͇͍̩̜̉̉̅́̿̆̊̔̇͝ͅ

** -DramaticBitch has been kicked out- **

** [SEVENLEAN BOO] **

**Seokie:** loool

**Hao:** when are you gonna add him back

**Gyuu:** when sm1 notices

** [MemeSnipurs] **

**MOA:** Well then

**YouAreLoved:** He left 

**YouAreLoved:** Bye uglies I’m gonna jump off a cliff

**CrossyRoad:** Ooh can I join

**GoodGood:** I’m close to Mapo so meet here?

**CrossyRoad:** Lol ok!

**DabGremlin:** Slsksm his Snapchat has them in mapo

**DabGremlin:** THEY JUMPED OFF THE BRIDGE LOOL

** [Bangtanen] **

**JK:** Haha so

**JK:** I was joking with my friends as one does

**NJ:** You don’t normally text in here. What’s wrong?

**JK:** How do I tell them they’re scaring me?

**JM:** I thought you’re not scared of anything 0.0

**JK:** I mean, my friends hurting each other and talking about pain is kinda terrifying when it’s a joke to them

**SG:** Private chat, jk

** [SugaKookies] **

**Cookies:** Yoongi hyung?

**Sugar:** Listen kid

**Sugar:** I know I’m not the best at telling people what’s on your mind

**Sugar:** But trust me: self destructive behavior is bad

**Sugar:** Talk to them

**Cookies:** Ok

** [97] **

**Jungkook:** Guys

**Jungkook:** Can we talk?

**Mean:** Sure JK

**GoodGood:** Wassup

**YouAreLoved:** Lol why so serious

**CrossyRoad:** Is this an orgy proposal bc no thx

**Jungkook:** Ok, no, listen.

**Jungkook:** I know you guys are super meme-y but you’re scaring me lately.

**Mean:** ???

**Jungkook:** Can you stop hurting each other and yourselves?

**Jungkook:** It’s not ok, and I’m worried about you guys. Seok had to go to the hospital for these jokes and while I found them funny the first time, they’re not funny anymore. Joking about throwing yourself off a cliff isn’t funny. Attacking people’s sensitive areas isn’t funny. 

**Jungkook:** I know you’re flirting with death and it’s “cool” and being an idol has desensitized us to pain, but please stop. You sound suicidal; you’re committing acts that can get you put in jail or at least sued in court. I know I’m not typically a responsible adult but if we’re gonna joke don’t take as far as to take videos jumping off bridges or walking on the thin railings.

**CrossyRoad:** Omfg if you’re bored just tell us

**Mean:** Yeah uninterested in the meme isn’t normally your thing?

**DramaticBitch:** You don’t need to spare our feelings if we find it funny and you don’t lol

**Jungkook:** what?

**Jungkook:** guys it’s not like that

**YouAreLoved:** Hold uppp

**GoodGood:** He’s really trying to convince us he’s a stick in the mud

**DabGremlin:** JK you’re not an actor don’t pretend recklessly loool

**Jungkook:** you fucking assholes

**Jungkook:** I was worried about you dying or getting permanently injured and you think I’m being a stick in the mud

**Jungkook:** and you think I’m the one being reckless

**Jungkook:** Fuck you

** -Jungkook has left the chat- **

**BrownieBite:** so I came on to a lot of motifs and gguk leaving wtf did you do

** [Bangtanen] **

**SJ:** Guys I’ve just seen gguks phone. We need to talk

** [img.file.scrnshot(7 images)] **

**JK:** Hyung!!! Why did you send them here

**SJ:** One, because I’m proud of you for saying what you needed to. As one of the people who watched you become who you are today, I’m so proud of you.

**SJ:** Two, because Joon needs to speak to the leaders of these groups. This is dangerous and we aren’t exactly nearby if something happens. 

**JK:** Thanks Jin hyung, and Suga hyung

**SG:** I’m just glad you said what you needed to

**NJ:** Trust me, I’ll be talking to them. Can the rest of you guys go cuddle pile Gguk for me?

**TH:** GLADLY

**JM:** duh?? Already omw

**SJ:** I’m coming too! Wait for me!!

**HS:** Come on Suga hyuuung

**SG:** who said I wasn’t on my way

** [Leaders with 97 Children] **

**RM:** Sorry to bother you guys, but we need to talk about your members.

**Taeyong:** Hey dude! Congrats on your latest album! What’s up?

**RM:** This isn’t a good thing, I’m afraid. You need to stop your boys. 

**JinJin:** What?

**RM:** Gguk has come to us saying that they’re talking about doing dangerous things, hurting themselves or others, and taking it as a joke. He tried to convince them but they made him angry and he left the chat.

**JB:** Oh, I will be talking to them later. Do you have screenshots?

**RM:** I do, but you need to keep these quiet, alright?

** [img.file.scrnshot(7 images)] **

**JB:** Of course, this could ruin all of our groups. And you’re in the midst of a comeback.

**S.Coups:** ok so before we attack the boys, they really thought kook was joking. Like they’ve all been laughing at this (I don’t condone it but I know /why/ they are) so when he stops and starts saying it’s not ok, of course they think he’s just bored of it and lying to convince them to stop so he doesn’t directly say their meme isn’t funny anymore. 

**S.Coups:** That being said this is concerning behavior that is nigh suicidal from my own group mates. Thank you, Kim Namjoon-ssi, for informing me this way so I didn’t need to learn by them getting hurt worse.

**Taeyong:** did you know one of your members end up in the hospital?

**S.Coups:** No, they said they were going on a trip for the day. Trust me, I’m angry.

** [Babies of The Group] **

**Tea:** Gguk:(((

**Tea:** if you feel like they think they’re joking with your feelings again I’m punching them all and introducing you to my wooga squad >:(

**Mochi:** Taetae you can’t 

**Mochi:** I called dibs 

**Tea:** we can both punch them??

**Mochi:** I’m going first:)

**Cookies:** you guys are great lol

**Tea:** BORAHAEYO BB

**Cookies:** I can bench press u

**Tea:** but you wouldn’t ;-D

** [Leaders with 97 Children] **

**S.Coups:** I spoke with Mingyu, Minghao, and Seokmin. It turns out that I had interrupted a very concerned and half threatening rant from GOT7’s makane. 

** [I STILL LOVE YOU NERDS] **

**Hao:** Thanks again for warning us. If you hadn’t pointed out where we had gone wrong with ourselves we very well could have carried onto death cause we thought it was funny D:

**Seokie:** Honestly yeah also any ideas on how we’re gonna apologize to gguk

**Gyuu:** hyung can you let them know you spoke to us

**Beagle:** i was in the middle of that you psychos

**Beagle:** I love you but if I get a scare like that again I’m forcing you to go to therapy I’ll check you in a mental ward myself do you fucking hear me

**Seokie:** YES SIR

**Hao:** YES SIR

**Gyuu:** YES SIR

**Beagle:** I genuinely cannot tell if you’re making fun of me so I’ll just take that as a yes

** [Leaders with 97 Children] **

**Taeyong:** I spoke to my wayward one. 

** [HEY FUCKER LISTEN UP] **

**Natural:** Now that I was reminded jae did you start

**Jay:** yes DAD I’m writing him a letter to apologize calm tf down

**Jay:** honestly I feel p bad bc we read him so wrong and hurt his feelings in a way that just wasn’t cool 

**Natural:** yoonoh

**Jay:** I am a man in my twenties, not a teenager. Please treat me like it hyung. I know I fucked up, and I’m grateful you let me know, but I need to fix this myself.

**Natural:** Alright then

**Natural:** Do you want me to change the Chat name or...?

**Jay:** nah it’s funny, leave it 

**Natural:** k

** [Leaders] **

**JinJin:** THAT was an awkward conversation, but yeah. All good on my end too.

** [hey we need to talk] **

**Rat:** sooo

**Ox:** you know everything’s good between us two right

**Rat:** oh thank goodness 

**Ox:** You’re actually so strange

**Rat:** I AM YOUR HYUNG

**Ox:** lol and

**Rat:** gosh darn it you’re too cute

**Ox:** cuddles while I draft an apology letter/text

**Rat:** um duh I’m already on my way 

** [Leaders] **

**JB:** yeah those conversations are an experience 

**JinJin:** I was so uncomfortable but he kinda just thanked me???

**JinJin:** I never said I was cut out for fathering these children

**RM:** None of us ever are

**JB:** It’s a struggle

** [Untitled Chatroom] **

**NoseRing:** thanks for lecturing them for me nyoung

**DesignatedMother:** gladly because wtf bam that wasn’t cool and yug you’re not off the hook for not telling us

**Lorge:** Honestly I’m pretty mad I wasn’t there.

**Smol:** Trust me I’m mad I was 

** [Eunwoo & Jungkook] **

**Eunwoo:** I’m opening a new chatroom for this

**Eunwoo:** I’m typing because I want you to read this when you’re ready I don’t want to force anything on you

**Eunwoo:** JK, I’m so, so, sorry. I never meant to make you feel like your feelings are invalid. Honestly I was taking it as a joke. I still value your feelings and friendship. That will never change, I know I misunderstood you, and I will work harder to communicate better with you.

**Jungkook:** I know that being an idol is tiring and desensitizing and drives you to do crazy things to feel alive But if it’s for three seconds before you die than what’s the point? A brief moment of feeling good shouldn’t cost your life.

**Eunwoo:** I know. I know that we were chasing a high dangerously. I’m not proud of it. Jinwoo hyung told me how I’d hurt you and I realized you were right. You weren’t joking about us, we were terrifying. Thank you for stopping us. 

**Jungkook:** I’m just glad I got through to you

**Jungkook:** I don’t ever want to attend your funeral

**Eunwoo:** Bish if I die it’ll be of old age I’m going nowhere

**Eunwoo:** <3

**Jungkook:** <3

** [Forgiven 97 Line] **

** -Ggukie added Eunwoo- **

**Yuggie:** Welcome Dongmin!!!

**Minnie:** I’m glad to be here!!! 

**Yuggie:** I’m still mad :(

**Ggukie:** Being mad does nothing:( I’m just glad you both stopped 

**Minnie:** When did you apologize?

**Ggukie:** He didn’t really do anything tbh 

**Minnie:** He started yelling at us via text when he read above

**Ggukie:** AWW YUGGIE

**Yuggie:** (That was a secret!!)

**Minnie:** (shit!! sorry!!)

**Ggukie:** (i can read these too)

**Minnie:** Your carpool karaoke and subway olympics are going viral you look so cute btw

**Ggukie:** I wanna do this with you guys when I get backkk!!!!

**Yuggie:** YES LETS 

** [WHAMBAMBAM AND THE KOOKIEMONSTUR] **

**Bam:** Kook

**Bam:** Can we talk?

**Kook:** Of course. Just because I’m upset with you guys doesn’t mean I haven’t cooled off enough by now

**Bam:** Firstly, thank you

**Kook:** ??

**Bam:** you probably saved my life. So thank you. 

**Kook:** I’m your friend Bam, I’m supposed to

**Bam:** no. its not your job to make me wake up and see im killing myself slowly

**Bam:** and either way, thank you

**Bam:** and im sorry 

**Bam:** your feelings are always valid and because I read them wrong i hurt you without thinking twice 

**Kook:** ...

** [Forgiven 97 Line] **

** -Ggukie added Bammie- **

**Bammie:** y’all were planning karaoke wITHOUT ME???

**Bammie:** Mutiny!

**Bammie:** Treason!

**Bammie:** and also we can do that now wtf do you think gguk has an international number for we need to FaceTime 

**Gguk:** Time difference??

**Minnie:** Who’s she?

**Bammie:** Are you available rn?

**Gguk:** yes actually! let’s do this!

**Yuggie:** Don’t forget your masks boys. I don’t wanna get pulled over by fans again.

**Yuggie:** Let’s goo!!!! I’m omw to pick you up eunwoo

**Bammie:** I’ll call you JK!!

** [Minghao & Jeongguk] **

**Xu:** Uh hey.

**Xu:** Firstly, I’m so sorry. I hurt you. I misread you and didn’t even think when you said it was the opposite. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I let it go too far.

**Xu:** Secondly, thank you. You stopped me from a cycle of harming others, harming myself, and making the dangerous tribal in my mind. That cycle could have ended with me dead or behind bars, and you stopped it. Thank you.

**Xu:** Just... let me know when you’re ready to talk, ok?

**Jeon:** ok

** [Forgiven 97 Line] **

** -Ggukie added Hao- **

**Hao:** Ok then?

**Minnie:** WELCOME!!!

**Hao:** I’m glad to be here!!!

** [Single Ladies] **

**Yoonoh:** Hey kook. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve what I said to you.

**JK:** I forgive you

**Yoonoh:** you dont need to

**JK:** I want to, because you’re my friend

**Yoonoh:** Thank you

**[Seokie and Cookies]**

**Seokie:** Hey kook. I had no idea how much I hurt you. I’m sorry.

**Cookies:** Ok.

**[97]**

**-Gyuu added Kook-**

**Gyuu:** I thought about it for a while. I’m doing this here. Publicly, I’m apologizing for hurting you. I’m thanking you for saving my life. Kook, you deserved none of this.

**Kook:** I forgive you. All of you. I appreciate you all apologizing to me.

**Gyuu:** You deserve it. I mean it.

**Kook:** I love you guys 

**Kook:** Dont scare me like that again, ok?

**Seokie:** Literally how are you so nice

**Hao:** <3

**Kook:** Lol I love you guys


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppa: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Ladybugs: DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)
> 
> {Erika: Allllsoooooo, could I have one of the boys getting sick af and the others coming to comfort them please?} Eri, I hope you come to full health soon! And NO, you’re the sweetheart.

** [IM BORED] **

**DabKing:** UGH

**DabKing:** I FEEL

**DabKing:** SO _ILL_

**Xiānnǚ:** what’s wrong bam

**MusclePig** **:**...

**DabKing:** Ggukkkkk 

**DabKing:** My stomach hurts:(

**Oppa:** He has the stomach flu and the flu:(

**MusclePig:** NO! WHY CANT I BE THERE:(

**MusclePig:** alright, is he being taken care of

**Oppa:** duh

**Oppa:** don’t worry too much 

**MusclePig:** Hold up who changed our screen names

**DabKing:** I got bored soooo

**Xiānnǚ:** mine is super cute!!

**DabKing:** go naver translate

**Ladybugs:** of course it wasn’t you

**Xiānnǚ:** oooh is someone teaching you how to insult ppl???

**Ladybugs:** You’re actually depriving a village somewhere of its idiot

**Xiānnǚ:** Great job 

**Xiānnǚ:** top insult game

**Xiānnǚ:** You should go far

**Xiānnǚ:** Preferably sooner?

**Ladybugs:** I would not let you breed

**Xiānnǚ:** Bye

**DabKing:** Haaaao

**Xiānnǚ:** Dude chill I’m omw 

**Xiānnǚ:** I have broth!!!

**Xiānnǚ:** Now lie down and drink some fluids:(

**DabKing:** Ok

**MusclePig:** I’m worried :c

**Casper:** I’m headed over with some meds ok

**DabKing:** The doc said to just wait it out

**Casper:** Doesn’t mean we can’t make if more comfy

**Casper:** Now go to sleep!!

**Oppa:** I’m taking his phone away now

**Ladybugs:** Good, Mingyu take the bag

**StringBean:** HOLD TF UP HAO IM COMING WITH YADOM

**Ladybugs:** I’m getting him weak tea lord knows he can’t handle his faves right now

**Butt:** Lol I’m already here helping in the kitchen 

**Butt:** and Tom yum is a terrible idea

**Ladybugs:** I’m bringing fuzzy socks fuck this

**Oppa:** More like fuck yeah 

**MusclePig:** T-T I want to help

** [THOT7] **

**Jinyoung:** Why are so many 97-liners in the dorms

**Mark:** Here to visit bam

**Jinyoung:** of course

** [BAMBAM AFFECTION ONLY] **

**DabKing:** didhevsjvs GGUK

**DabKing:** did you order and send food??? From the USA?????

**MusclePig:** DUH 

**DabKing:** OMG you nerds I love you all but I’ll be fine in like two days the doctor just said to sleep

**MusclePig:** SHUT UP AND TAKE OUR LOVE AND SUPPORT 

**DabKing:** GLADLY


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {coco: i was actually kind of wondering if you could do a yugyeom or dongmin centered chapters? i really love them and i feel like yugyeom often doesn’t get the attention he deserves as one of kpop’s best dancers, and that dongmin’s vocals are also overlooked for his visuals. i’d love a chapter centring around either <3} Dongminnie is a grumpy cat babey here but he’s still babey Sorry it’s short I’ve been gone for a bit bc I’m a bit ill:/  
> I actually discovered Eunwoo in kdramas and he is an incredible actor. 
> 
> MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppa: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

** [QNA W OUR ACTOR BABEY] **

**Butt:** What is this?

**Casper:** I noticed how weird things were when i visited his dorm

**Casper:** So Dongmin has a desk right

**Casper:** Why does he have a stuffed animal on it

**Butt:** Bitch that’s wall e and he keeps me from going insane

**Casper:** Cool cool

**Butt:** :/ Can you not question my madness for like five minutes 

**MusclePig:** Ignoring that terrible plug I have a terrible awful and shitty idea let’s do it

**Butt:** I see you’ve set aside time to humiliate yourself in public 

**Butt:** but real quick: On a scale of one to Australia how dangerous it it because Rocky banned me from anything above a solid usa 

**Xiānnǚ:** Dongminnie

**Seokmint:** Kyutie

**Butt:**??

**Seokmint:** What does that mean

**Butt:** it’s a range- the more dangerous it is the louder I scream and we can’t hurt my vocals nuhuh

**Xiānnǚ:** Ok fair

**Casper:** Precious voice

**StringBean:** Literally he’s unfair how is he good looking and talented?

**Butt:** Guuuuuys

**MusclePig:** I sent u guys a list 

**Seokmint:** Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am

**Xiānnǚ:** Better question why are we all awake at 2am

**MusclePig:** I wanna get the fbis attention 

**Oppa:** A- we are Korean dipshit

**Oppa:** B- you’re insane 

**MusclePig:** I wanna see someone kick in a door!

**Butt:** He’s in America

**Casper:** We forget that smtmes 

**Oppa:** Lol

**DabKing:** Our smart boi

**StringBean:** THIS!!! MAN!!! IS!!! UNFAIR!!!

**Butt:** Guuuuys _(:3  」∠ )_

**Xiānnǚ:** I want to hug him

**Xiānnǚ:** Can I hug you

**Butt:** Bitch I’m here and ready

**Casper:** Ok treasuring Dongminnie aside

**Xiānnǚ:** NEVER PUT THAT TO THE SIDE BOO

**Casper:** Im love him bish that’s not what I meant

**Butt:** Guuuuys 

**Seokmint:** yesss?

**Butt:** why the sudden compliments???

**Seokmint:** We love u that’s why

**Butt:** What did you bozos do or see

**Xiānnǚ:** Like we’d tell u if that were the truth

**StringBean:** But it’s not!

**Butt:** ...? K


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppa: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)
> 
> {Loki_05: I was wondering if you could do a chapter where they talk about the producers of their groups or where they talk about strange habits that the members have?}  
> I did my best and spent too much time on research I’m not an audio engineer   
> This entire chapter is mainly SeventeenBTS bonding and another QNA format?? idk how I got here but im happy   
> And running on fumes

** [yOuR mUsiC OpiNioN iS invALID] **

**Seokmint:** Hey JK

**MusclePig:** ?

**Seokmint:** Do the pd line seem to have these weird habits

**MusclePig:** Uhhh I mean sometimes hobi listens to his in progress songs while warming up but I do that too

**Casper:** Wait really

**MusclePig:** Yeth 

**MusclePig:** No but for real it’s useful to listen and sound out any issues when you’re not paying too much attention to the music

**MusclePig:** Like “ok this sounds weird good to know”

**StringBean:** Sometimes we forget how serious you can be about music lol

**MusclePig:** lol 

**Butt:** Oh is the insomnia thing true too

**Xiännǚ:** ??

**Casper:** Like that producer idols don’t sleep

**Xiännǚ:** HAHAHAH YES ITS SO SCARY LOL

**MusclePig:** Like I’m getting up in the morning and I go to the kitchen and suga hyung will be opening the door in yesterday’s clothes

**Seokmint:** Woozi hyung does that too!!

**Oppa:** Jackson hyung does that but only when he’s writing songs for his solo career 

**DabKing:** Svwisnw do music lovers drool over expensive equipment 

**StringBean:** OMFG TOFU HYUNG RIGHT THERE

**MusclePig:** TOFU HYUNG IM DED

**MusclePig:** Ok but yeah 

**MusclePig:** Good equipment makes music making an easier experience 

**DabKing:** (And it’s about the labelTM)

**Casper:** Skslsk did you just add a TM

**StringBean:** Did you just hide a vsco girl sksk with a single L

**Butt:** BURN

**MusclePig:** HOLY SHIT

**Oppa:** What is it like producing music

**MusclePig:** Well it’s scary and you save every change right after making it bc if you lose ur progress...

**Seokmint:** OMG REMEBER WHEN WE WERE TRAINEES???

**Xiännǚ:** Loool

**DabKing:** Spill

**Xiännǚ:** K so Hoshi hyung was showing us a dance and woozi hyung was working on a song in the same room

**Seokmint:** And hoshi hyungs shoe FLIES OFF AND HITS THE COMPUTER

**MusclePig:** WHAT OH NO

**StringBean:** Yeah so the computer lost the progress and woozi hyung beat up Hoshi hyung he was SO mad

**Casper:** Sksks that’s not like him at ALL

**Oppa:** So you’re just gonna vsco like that cool

**Oppa:** Do yall ever get a “That was perfect do it again’’ when recording 

**Seokmint:** YES LITERALLY WHY

**Casper:** OH DO THEY HAVE THESE PISSING CONTESTS OVER EQUIPMENT THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THE SM BUILDING

**MusclePig:** No comment

**DabKing:** (He said that with his whole chest like they dont)

**StringBean:** (why the parentheses)

**Butt:** honestly we don’t compose really but we write some and that’s hard but damn if producers don’t stop

**Oppa:** Or sleep

**DabKing:** Have you ever watched an idol producer watch a group on stage and mentally pick everything apart

**Xiännǚ:** YES ALL THE TIME

**Casper:** Ngl sometimes they’re just bopping their heads with straight faces and you have no idea if they’re just being polite 

**MusclePig:** I mean... sometimes?

**Casper:** I KNEW IT


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April’s around the corner and I’m scared  
> K so where’s the famine finna be  
> O wait shit thAT ALREADY HAPPENED 
> 
> I’m in quarantine (“social distancing” my shiny metal ass) and it ends soon but my life has no set resume date but?? I’m?? Being?? So?? Overworked??  
> Those assholes are lucky I like them

**[Quarantine Party Squad]**

**Oppar:** I noticed that we say shit like are you ready at concerts

**Oppar:** Like nobody’s gonna say no????

**Oppar:** “ARE U READY??!?!” “No lemme tie my shoelace”

**MusclePig:** humanity has the capacity to say the dumbest shit

**MusclePig:** I was ordering a drink in la and I asked for almond milk because I wanted to try it and the barista asked if I had nut allergies 

**MusclePig:** Like I didn’t just order almond milk in my latte with my whole chest

**Xiānnǚ:** LMAO

**StringBean:** Maybe they were making sure you weren’t committing suicide by coffee??

**MusclePig:** Suga hyung would drag me out of hell to kill me again if i tainted coffee like that

**MusclePig:** Obviously not you fucking featherless biped

**Butt:** Whut

**StringBean:** im gonna fillet you like a fucKING FISH

**Butt:** I don’t think fish actually have sex...?

**Casper:** This conversation is a mess

**Casper:** Pet cafe?

**Butt:** LETS DO IT:D

**StringBean:** Cute~~ 

**MusclePig:** Yoonoh, No.

**MusclePig:** I’m not there:(

**DabKing:** ILL BRING U IN WITH THE POWER OF DABS

**Oppar:** BamBam, no.

**Seokmint:** Yugyeom’s biography

**Oppar:** Dhjddbjw NO

**DabKing:** I mean yeah

**DabKing:** I do a lot of strange shit 

**DabKing:** I was running a youth group when I was like twelve and one kid comes in with her dad and refuses to tell me her name

**DabKing:** So, like, 100% joking, I go “James L. Bittenbinder?” AND HER DAD LIGHTS UP.

**DabKing:** He kept calling her that the entire time alsfrag

**Xiännǚ:** No but really that just makes me happy

**Seokmint:** So... cat cafe? :D

**Oppar:** Well jinyoung hyung just saw this and said I can’t bc its “socially irresponsible”

**Seokmint:** Well, I mean, if you’re gonna worry about things like  _ morals _ then, yeah, it’s not the best idea…

**Butt:** If any of you fuckers get sick imma deck u

**DabKing:** awww he cares

**Butt:** I will not apologize for worrying about you guys

**MusclePig:** Aww 

**Butt:** Mainly because y’all are walking disasters

**Xiännǚ:** _Less_ aww 

**Casper:** But not inaccurate 

**StringBean:** To be fair you’re normally right by our sides 

**Butt:** Depends if I’m utilizing my own chaos energy or just trying to corral you nutcases 

**Oppar:** I love that it actually has a name with him

**StringBean:** Here’s the thing tho he loves us and would fuckin fight anyone else who speaks like this to us 

**Butt:** ( ﾉ ◕ ヮ ◕ ) ﾉ *: ･ﾟ ✧

**Casper:** Do you accept constructive criticism 

**Butt:** I _absolutely the fuck do not_

**Butt:** Jung Yoonoh I am going to fucking kill you

**Casper:** !

**Butt:** ;)

**Seokmint:** And the ocean is full of plastic~~

**MusclePig:** Sigh 

**StringBean:** ?

**MusclePig:** No it’s just, like, our world is so sad rn

**MusclePig:** Between Covid19 nd pollution and all that

**Xiännǚ:** D: ! He’s sad:(

**DabKing:** anD WE CANNOT INITIATE SADSTM OH NOES

**StringBean:** Plan B- GO!

**Oppar:** Here’s a ten minute [loop](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) of Jimin hyungnim being clumsy

**MusclePig:** And suddenly I’m less sad:D

**MusclePig:** Wait no fuck u


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Izzy_Bizzy_Bear667:  
> Hello! I’ve been pretty silent on this fic but it’s one of my favourites and I would die for you. With that being said can I request something? I’m gonna request something, ignore me if you want, but can we have something where like say Mark from NCT is really overworked or something and collapses with Jaehyun there and the rest of the 97 line come help them or like just one of the 97 being in trouble and sad while the rest cheer him up? I feel like we need fluff right now but just a little drama to keep us entertained. With that being said I love you, keep going, stay safe and have a nice day.}
> 
> Hi you’re an absolute sweetheart. Request however much you want! And I did my best:)  
> Sorry it took so long, I had major writer’s block for this prompt but I wanted to do it.  
> I’m making this relatively cannon complaint (sksksk fourth wall who? Never met her) so it was difficult to have hurt/comfort entirely over text without implying meetups and shtuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**Oppar:** K but hear me out

**Oppar:** Waffles are pancakes with abs

**StringBean:** You have 30 seconds to unfuck yourself starting 28 seconds ago

**DabKing:** Boom. Roasted.

**StringBean:** Hey bam

**DabKing:** Yeth

**StringBean:** did you hear that

**DabKing:** What

**StringBean:** My patience shattering into a million FUCK YOUS

**MusclePig:** GAYS

**MusclePig:** FUCK AUTOCORRECT

**MusclePig:** YKNOW WHAT NAH HES A BRO

**MusclePig:** Anywhore it just dawned on my why Patrick is so clueless

**MusclePig:** He lives under a rock

**Xiānnǚ:** ?????

**Casper:** Skskshsje 

**Casper:** I-

**Casper:** I’m just gonna go practice fuck this

**Xiānnǚ:** Have fun

**DabKing:** We’ll miss you;)

  
**Seokmint:** I do miss u guys tho

**Casper:** Uh hi? This is Yoonoh’s friendgroup, right? Do any of you know why he doesn’t have his phone?

**StringBean:** Hi Taeyong hyungnim he said he was going to go practice

**Casper:** How did you know it was me

**StringBean:** Responsible 

**Casper:** Ok? Thanks a bunch!

** [The Chaos We Call NCT] **

**Dad:** I found his phone and asked his friends

**Oldest:** They said he was going to go to practice so he probably just forgot his phone. Are any of you in the building?

**Baby:** I am!

**Baby x2:** Here

**Actual Babey:** Sup.

**Dad:** Can you go check the practice rooms? 

**Baby x2:** Will do!

**Actual Babey:** Yup.

**Oldest:** Mark said he was gonna practice today too! Maybe they’re together.

**Dad:** Maybe. But Mark hasn’t been answering his phone

**Baby x2:** I think that would be because he doesn’t have it. I just found it lying next to one of the mirrors. He’s not in any nearby bathroom.

**Baby:** Or the cafeteria or the vending machines.

**WinnerStan:** Well shit

**Baby:** WinWin hyung! Language!

**Dad:** Add another to the missing member count.

**WinnerStan:** They’re grown adults, hyung

**Dad:** You can’t see me but know I’m giving you an incredibly impressive side eye right now.

**Dad:** And I there was something we were supposed to be doing today if I could gather everyone:(

**Hera:** Wait really? What is it?

**Dad:** If I can get all of you lunatics in the same room, maybe you can find out, Jeno.

**Hera:** Boooooo

** [loser.exe] **

**Casper:** Sorry to bug you all again, but did he mention having anything else to do today?

**Xiānnǚ:** Not that I can think of, sorry! Still didn’t find him?

**Casper:** Nope- and Mark’s missing too.

**MusclePig:** Yikes. We can ask around?

**Casper:** Please?

**Xiānnǚ:** Will do!

**Oppar:** But you are aware that they’re adults?

**Casper:** I just audibly laughed

**Oppar:** Fair

**Butt:** Sorry, I just got a call from Jay?

**Butt:** Apparently he’s in the hospital

**Casper:** I’m sorry what

**Butt:** He’s fine. Mark isn’t.

**Butt:** Apparently he overworked himself and Jay rushed him to a hospital

**Butt:** and he said it’s all fine??? But this dumbass is like four seconds away from hyperventilating??? Now I’m really worried

**StringBean:** Is he still on

**Butt:** No he hung up

**Butt:** he didn’t tell me which hospital though so I tracked through his phone he’s at that one a few blocks away from your building with the ugly bricks pls pls go find him

**Casper:** I’m on my way, I’ll update you guys 

**Butt:** Thanks hyung

**Seokmint:** I’m worried I can’t even visit what do

**Casper:** Taeyong here. Yoonoh is okay, he’s sleeping now, and Mark will be fine within three days but his bed rest order is five.

**Xiānnǚ:** Thanks hyung! 

**MusclePig:** Take care of him for us!!

**StringBean:** With lots of cuddles and stuff

**Casper:** Of course

**MusclePig:** Everyone’s has such amazing comebacks and now I wanna Jam Out and i can’t pick one ugh AND TXT BAEBIES IM LOV THEM STREAM THEM OR ILL STEAL UR KNEECAPS

**MusclePig:** Ahem

**MusclePig:** Soooo @jay how much trouble are you and Mark in for going around without your phones

**Casper:** We gon die

**Casper:** fiNaLLy

**StringBean:** U good

**Casper:** I’m making fun of the situation so nobody worries abt me

**Oppar:** Should we

**Casper:** Everybody should worry about me

**Butt:** ...k

**Xiānnǚ:** Bowling?

**DabKing:** I’d be down for that

**DabKing:** You know what else I’d be down for

**MusclePig:** BDSM

**Casper:** Going to a furry convention 

**StringBean:** Harnesses and chains

**Xiānnǚ:** Something involving way too much leather 

**DabKing:** I mean 3/4 of those are true (wtf jay) but not now

**Casper:** im bored they’re not letting me leave my bed

**Casper:** like wtf I was never even hurt

**Casper:** I feel my muscles beginning to atrophy:(

**MusclePig:** Awww no

**Xiānnǚ:** Should we postpone:((

**Casper:** Oh fuck no

**Casper:** Don’t let them WIN bitCH

**Xiānnǚ:** YES SIR

**StringBean:** Wait how are we supposed to go bowling

**MusclePig:** Good question

**Casper:** Aaaand now I’m sad again

**Xiānnǚ:** NO D:

**Casper:** YE

**Oppar:** Where’s the S

**MusclePig:** Isn’t it where’s the B?

**Casper:** THERES A BEE?!?!!

**Butt:** I hate you guys so much

**Oppar:** No you don’t 

**Butt:**...no I don’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I don’t typically Rec... but jsyk Lost In Translation is 100/10.  
> Ahem.  
> Anyway Stan Edvasi- I mean Ian Lee! Let’s go LEESbians! Let’s go!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {EN: Anyways can I maybe requests the where Jk just. Buys and sends everyone these random super expensive and/or special gifts (surprise here's a puppy farm all for you!! Or here's this 19k necklace youve been drooling over) because he rich af now and he really wanna use his money to spoil his best bois a little. Or like, smth like that. Idk I just want Jk to spoil the 97ers tbh he is sweet like that}
> 
> Gladly!  
> I beat the word dude into the ground here lol  
> Also- for social distancing purposes, I should be clear- timeline wise this begins before the Itaewon incident but after S. Korea started allowing people to interact and go out again. And after a certain point it switches to afterwards. I skipped it entirely due to the nature of the controversy and my own feelings about the hypocrisy of some peo- ahem. I’m off topic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RichBitch/MusclePig: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Butt/Tsundere/LastBraincell: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA/INTEARS/Xiānnǚ: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**Casper:** JEON JEONGGUK

**Casper:** WHAT THE HELL

**MusclePig:**???

**Casper:** Dude I can NOT accept this wtf

**MusclePig:** Keep it! It’s yours!

**Seokmint:** ?????

**Casper:** This guy got me something I mentioned liking when I was in the France

**Casper:** That’s 

**Casper:** Yknow

**Casper:** 52K USD

**Seokmint:** USD??? Not won

**Casper:** NO

**Seokmint:** Wtf gguk 

**Casper:** KOOKIE I CANT POSSIBLY

**MusclePig:** dude it’s yours

**Casper:** It’s freaking 

**Casper:** Dude

**Casper:** You cannot shell out this much on a watch for me

**Casper:** You’re not paying for your own food for at LEAST the next five times we go out 

**MusclePig:** Wait what???

**Casper:** Gguk 

**Casper:** This is in the two digit millions of won

**Casper:** I

**Casper:** I’m sobbing dude

**Casper:** wash your hands and put on your mask I’m on my way to hug the hell out of you

**MusclePig:** Hugs! I think I’d like Seokmin’s hugs next!

**Seokmint:** Jeon Jeongguk if you even consider that I’ll bawl 

**MusclePig:** then cry, bitch 

**MusclePig:** BITXH

**MusclePig:** I LOVE YOU BITCH

**MusclePig:** I AINY NEVER GON STOP LOVING YOU

**MusclePig:** BITCH

**Seokmint:** Oh 

**Seokmint:** Well I’m actually crying now what do

  
  


**Seokmint:** Uhhhh, hey? This is the ninety-seven liners’ chat, right?

**StringBean:** Hi jihoonie hyung

**Seokmint:** How did you know it was me?

**StringBean:** grammar

**Seokmint:** Hello, Mingyu.

**StringBean:** How did U know it was me

**Seokmint:** dumbass

**StringBean:** Hey!

**DabKing** **:** Wait you don’t belong in this chat you’re not 97

**Seokmint:** Yeah, I was given this phone by a stunned Seok, who said to yell at Jeongguk-ssi for him?

**MusclePig:** Wait why what did I do

**Seokmint:** He said there was no way he could accept your gift and said to-

**Seokmint:** Sorry, one second.

**Seokmint:** He’s demanding you get over to our dorms now and take it back.

**DabKing:** Jfc what did you give the guy

**Seokmint:** WAIT WTF CUSTOM SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL YB KEYRING

**Casper:** DUDE

**Butt:** YB like the rock group??

**MusclePig:** He said he’s a fan! And I warned him!

**Seokmint:** “I thought you were kidding! Seriously! What the fuck!” -Seok

**Casper:** You cannot keep spending your money like this on us!!!

**DabKing:** RE-FUCKIN-TWEET

**RichBitch:** COME OUT AND WATCH ME

**.**

**.**

**.**

**DabKing:** I dnt blbg on ths cht but uhh

**DabKing:** JK bam gave me his cell

**StringBean:** Oh hi JB hyungnim! 

**DabKing:** Hw did u knw thts me 

**StringBean:** shorthand

**DabKing:** k

**DabKing:** he tld me 2 curse @ u

**RichBitch:** Wait why

**DabKing:** Idk but hes in sum kinda shock

**DabKing:** OH HEY MAYBE ITS THE PRICE TAG ON THE GIFT YOU SENT ME GGUK

**DabKing:** No way can I accept this

**RichBitch:** Sooo guys did you know that the deal has come to a close and Seventeen are technically our label mates now

**Seokmint:** I heard!!!!

**StringBean:** so we heard the song you were telling us to stream??? I’m seriously impressed it’s awesome. The vocal hyungs were shookith 

**Xiānnǚ:** WAIT CAN TXT BE OUR BABIES THEN OMG

**RichBitch:** BANGTANS BABIES U LIL BISH

**RichBitch:**...and after that much higher pedestal of priority comes the other labels since this wasn’t even a merger

**Xiānnǚ:** I WILL ACCEPT

**Xiānnǚ:** They’re so cutttte I’m lov them

**RichBitch:** As it should be, Hao

**RichBitch:** As it should be

  
  


**INTEARS:** JEON JEONGGUK WTAF

**RichBitch:** Consider it a welcome gift!

**INTEARS:** it’s so thoughtful screw you

**INTEARS:** get over here right now so I can hug the shit out of you

**RichBitch:** Social distancing:( I’m under much stricter watch now

**INTEARS:** I’m literally sobbing wtf how did u get this

**RichBitch:** I had delivery sent from another country you really think being stuck at home is gonna stop me

**INTEARS:** I’m literally crying you thoughtful piece of shit call me so I can thank you

**RichBitch:** :D!!!

**LastBraincell:** So

**Oppar:** Please eat a rat poison sandwich 

**LastBraincell:** ANYWAY I GUESS ITS MY THRN TO YELL AT OUR ONE AND ONLY

**LastBraincell:** HEY RICHBITCH

**RichBitch:** YOU CALLED :D

**LastBraincell:** Literally no

**LastBraincell:** Get over here and take this back

**LastBraincell:** This is not fair you cannot be so cute after buying me a fuCIKNG GRAND PIANO

**DabKing:** I find the word fuCIKNG incredibly hard to say

**LastBraincell:** Who tf r u to talk kunpimook Bhuwakul I just said ur name out loud and the couch hit the ceiling

**DabKing:** SISNSJS BYE

**MOA:** oof

**MOA:** oh hey this name is cool!

**LastBraincell:** my bandmates are yelling at me for spending this much money this isn’t fuNNY

**RichBitch:** it kinda is lol

**RichBitch:** I know you were super down over the past few days so... :D

**LastBraincell:** I’m crying you thoughtful jerk

**RichBitch:** widje omg hes a tsundere I love u too

  
  


**Oppar:** I’m going to continue the public outrage and shaming of our favorite babie

**Oppar:** jk what the actual hell

**RichBitch:** uwu

**Oppar:** OWO

**Oppar:** WAIT SHIT NOT THE TIME IM SUPPOSED TO BE YELLING

**Tsundere:** Don’t even try he’s going to act all cute because you like the gift and get sad that you won’t accept it because someone bought it for you he has six hyungs he’s a master manipulator 

**Tsundere:** ...seriously 

**RichBitch:** um duh

**RichBitch:** and ur 100% right abt it so yug don’t protest

**StringBean:** HI UM WTF @JK

**RichBitch:** OH! It arrived??

**StringBean:** YEAH NOW TAKE IT BACK

**Tsundere:** it’s not gonna work we all tried and failed 

**StringBean:** Oh hi dongminnie

**Tsundere:** How did you know it was me

**StringBean:** Tsundere

**Tsundere:** you all suck

**RichBitch:** even me

**Tsundere:** not you you’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here

**Tsundere:** you exasperating rabbit

**RichBitch:** I’ll take it

**RichBitch:** I love you guys so much and I wanted to tell you all!!!

**Oppar:** We love you too but next time just call or text us this was entirely unnecessary 

**RichBitch:** worth it because you guys got things you really like!!!

**Tsundere:** Has literally nobody taught you how to manage your money

**RichBitch:** listen I did my best ur smiles r priceless ok

**MOA:** well look at that I’m crying again


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Novii: Also hm, since we saw jk spoiling the rest how about the rest spoiling him? (Not necessarily gifts you can do whatever you want :) )}
> 
> I’ll do my best:D Tbh I’ve given JK such a sugar daddy streak looking back like wtf this boi needs someone to spoil him too. 
> 
> Rabbit: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Tsundere: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> BamBam(GOT7)/DoubleB/DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> JK’SFRIENDISWEAR/Seokmint: DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean: Kim Mingyu (SVT)
> 
> Doesn’tBelongHere, that’s Yoon Jeonghan (SVT)  
> MusicHyung is Woozi/Lee Jihoon (SVT)  
> JKsMusicHyung is RM/Kim Namjoon (BTS)  
> JKsMusicHYUNG is Suga/Min Yoongi (BTS)  
> HotAndScary is Lisa (BLACKPINK)  
> Corn is Sorn (CLC)  
> SuzySunbaenim is Suzy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: accidental almost slur incident is 100% fake and just to illustrate the purpose of BigHit’s international screening process. I know the boys are careful and try not to insult people in ways that matter. Yes, they’re playful and they may roast you in good fun on weverse but they’re good people. (For those who don’t know, Suga accidentally sampled a Jim Jones (a generally terrible human being, who also (awko-taco) supports NK and caused a lot of deaths) speech in the intro to a song on his mixtape. I say accidentally because BigHit did confirm that it was an accident and Suga is upset about it as well. The company has apologized in an official statement and admitted that Suga is embarrassed by the mess.) 
> 
> Also, considering our current climate I feel obligated to tell you to take a moment to respect the innocents who have lost their lives due to brutality and prejudice. Yes, there are good police officers out there, but there are also bad ones who abuse their power to put down minorities. The suffering of black people in America is horrible and cannot be overlooked.  
> Remember, minorities does not equal less value. They have lives and souls and people around them and they MATTER. If I hear you trying to defend a viewpoint that says they don’t in my comment section...  
> not to be uncharacteristically violent on main, but I will reach through the screen to delete your knee caps and eat your teeth like effing popcorn. K?
> 
> I feel incredibly political in the AN before a crack fic chapter but here we are I guess

** [JK STOP SPENDING MONEY ON US ISTG] **

**Rabbit:** HHHHHHHHH

**Tsundere:** ?

**Rabbit:** I legit cannot find banana milk anywhere. It’s sold out online and all the shops I go to.

**Tsundere:** Wait for real??

**Rabbit:** Yes:/

**Tsundere:** That sucks:((

**Rabbit:** Um hi @dongminwhat the hecc 

**MOA:** what did he do now??

**Rabbit:** tell me why a cooler that I know for a fact belongs to one Astro member in particularis outside my studio, currently stocked with mason jars of homemade banana milk

**StringBean:** Wait really

**Casper:** wow eunwoo! That’s so nice of you!

**Tsundere:** I have no idea what you’re talking about 

**Rabbit:** it’s deadass your cooler

**Tsundere:** I have. 0 clue. What you’re talking about.

**Seokmint:** ur not subtle

**Rabbit:** there was nobody else who could have owned this cooler it has your fucking name and handwriting on the lid and the rhinestones from when we got wine drunk and bedazzled it

**Tsundere:** Nope idk a thing

**Rabbit:** ok fine but

**Rabbit:** it’s really tasty!!! 

**Rabbit:** Hold up some of these mason jars are the nice ones I’ve seen in the SVT dorms and that’s an ice pack I’ve seen Jae use in his lunches before so who DID make this??

** [Capable of Creating Edible Food] **

**Mingyu:** I hate how perceptive he is sometimes

**Dongmin:** It is what it is

**Yoonoh:** I hate that you memed and you didn’t even know what it was

**Dongmin:** ??? 

**Dongmin:** Anyway that recipe was really cool! Thanks for asking your mom bc my mom wouldn’t give me her recipes for replicating store bought shit for legitimate money

**Doesn’tBelongHere:** No prob bob it’s the only reason u guys added me

**Dongmin:** also don’t think I didn’t catch u guys trying to throw me under the bus

**Dongmin:** It’s hit the leaders chat so my members may be demanding I make it for them now

**Yoonoh:** same :/ I’m enlisting taeyong hyung

**DK:** Theyre not asking us we dont gotta do shit MWAHAHAH

**Doesn’tBelongHere:** Trust me Ive spread the news you do now

**The8:** oh :/

**Yoonoh: :/**

**[Memesnipurs]**

**MOA:** Has anybody got any song recs? I’ve been listening to TXT for three days straight and forgot other music exists

**Rabbit:** 100% valid

**Rabbit:** tbh I need some recs too

**Rabbit:**...anyone care to tell me why there’s a rabbit shaped flash drive in my dorm room with an entire playlist of songs that all my hyungs looked genuinely confused about

**Rabbit:** some of these sound like awesome freaking demos or WIPs and some of these are polished ones that I’ve never heard before so how did these get there?!? Was there a recent comeback I wasn’t aware of??? Solo activities?? You guys need to tell me so I can scream about it 

**Rabbit:** STOP LEAVINF ME ON READ YOU GUYS

**[Hi this is for one (1) Jeon Jeongguk]**

**JK’SFRIENDISWEAR:** Thanks again for helping with the playlist!!!

**MusicHyung:** It was nothing, really.

**JKsMusicHyung:** anything for someone who’s aiming at spoiling our JK

**JKsMusicHYUNG:** ^^

**MusicHyung:** Oh Yoongi hyung! How are you doing? I heard about the sampling scandal?

**JKsMusicHYUNG:** I feel like now’s a bad time to say that the speech was used over a Disney cartoon and that’s the corner of the internet I found it in?

**JK’SFRIENDISWEAR:** Wait really?

**JKsMusicHYUNG:** Yeah it was solely for audio purposes so imagine how awkward it was to find out and explain THAT to BigHit :/

**MusicHyung:** BigHit’s a global company so it must be really awkward when you accidentally offend people.

**JK’SFRIENDISWEAR:** Major oof

**JKsMusicHYUNG:** honestly I’m probably not likely to perform it but if I do, I’m changing the intro audio to incomprehensible yelling.

**MusicHyung:** Wait, are we going to get the same reviewing process too, now that we’re under BigHit?

**JKsMusicHyung:** I don’t know since pledis is owned but not run by BigHit. It does help a lot though, we almost had a lyric that would have offended a lot of people because it sounded vaguely like a phrase that’s a slur so I hope you guys do!

**[BoredInTheHouse]**

**Rabbit:** If I look at one more document of stuff to work i might Yell

**Oppar:** Tbh same

**DabKing:** GUYS LETS WATCH MOVIES TOGETHER!!!

**StringBean:** Wait how? Zoom party? Zarty?

**DabKing:** There are sites to synchronize our movies!! So we can all be on the same second!! I’ll email you guys the link!!

**Rabbit:** Omg lets!!!

**Seokmint:** Get popcorn while ur in the kitchen

**Oppar:** Why are you in the kitchen?? You sound like youre constantly there these days

**MOA:** One Yoon Jeonghan

**DabKing:**???

**Casper:** Don’t ask.

**Rabbit:** Okay! I actually missed this tbh

**Tsundere:** Don’t make me cry you doe eyed freak of nature

**Rabbit:** Is this a compliment battle? Are you testing me!?

**Tsundere:** If I did u multitalented rat

**Rabbit:** _What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo._

**Tsundere:** K so I definitely Did Not

  
**Rabbit:** :D

**Rabbit:** BamBam just knocked on my door handed me a box and left wtf

**DabKing:** happy anniversary!! Did you like the posters for your dorm room?

**Rabbit:** wait wtf this is signed by IU! This is signed by IU how on earth-

**Rabbit:** And this is from GDragon BamBam how did you GET these

**DabKing:** I’m from JYP lol

**[ThaiDols]**

**DoubleB:** Thanks again for the GD plug

**HotAndScary:** No prob. Oppa was 200% willing the second I said it was for Jeon Jeongguk lol

**HotAndScary:** he said that dedicated longtime fans who stay with bb thru everything are fans he looks to as a source of strength and everyone knows BTS are fruvjin huge VIPs

**Corn:** I have no idea it that’s a typo or a keysmash but both work tbh 

**[Sunbae]**

**BamBam(GOT7):** I just dug through five chats to say thanks again for getting in contact with IU for me!

**SuzySunbaenim:** No problem! Did your friend like it?

**BamBam(GOT7):** Yup. Did Jackson hyung say anything about me stealing your number from his phone yet?

**SuzySunbaenim:** 100%. He said to block you.

**BamBam(GOT7):** Nice.

**[HAI THAR]**

**Oppar:** 2/10 photo skills in these but check out the places I found 

**[Oppar shared image album!]**

**Rabbit:** These are so pretty!!! It’s perfect for shooting pictures how did you find this place?!

**Oppar:** You mentioned wanted somewhere to shoot pictures sooooo

**[Oppar shared location!]**

**[Oppar shared location!]**

**[Oppar shared location!]**

**Rabbit:** AHHHHH THIS IS PERFECT THANK YOU THANK YOUUU

**Oppar:** Omg I just gave you some photo places that’s too much reaction

**Rabbit:** But you looked for them for me (and I know that because Joon is hyung was making fun of Jackson complaining that you’ve been constantly out the last few days that you put a lot of effort in picking these places)

**Oppar:** I

**Oppar:** Oh

**DabKing:** Is he blushing??

**DabKing:** OMFG he is guys

**Rabbit:** Yuuuuuugyeomie

**Rabbit:** Thank you:D

**Oppar:** it’s literally nothing omg

**Tsundere:** can I give him my title now

**Rabbit:** hell nah

**Rabbit:** also you guys have zero subtlety but thanks for the gifts I’ll be hitting you up for banana milk now 

**Tsundere:** no idea what you’re talking about

**Rabbit:** Zero. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, witch please, he’s a makane he recognizes people trying to subtly spoil him. Like he didn’t catch on by the second time??? Nuh Uh.  
> Because JK is so rich buying him things is difficult so I have a headcannon that 97 Line likes gifting him things like experiences or food. But due to Covid and stricter watch they’d have had a super hard time getting out of the strict watch of the people in their company (bandmates, managers, etc) to do or buy things so they did their best. Sometimes timeliness in a gift makes it all the more thoughtful.
> 
> Can’t find your favorite treat anywhere? I’ll make it for you.  
> Looking for new music? I’ll collect and create new stuff for you.  
> Like something? I’ll search for the best places to do it for you.   
> You have a lot of things? Then I’ll get you something I know you A) can never get enough of and B) probably wouldn’t have gotten for yourself  
> But BamBam is hella connected so I figured if anyone could get something JK wants it has to do with his icons- IU and GD.   
> Ew, did I just the word “hella” legitimately?


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {EN: Can I ask for 97 liners being loving/protective over their baby groups part 2? I love it when they talk to and/or about them and are being protective over their babies!} Okay but honestly, sometimes I laugh really hard over this because of where the friendships pan out. Like there’s members of one group who are friends with the members of a baby group lmao.  
> But now it’s time for some GG appreciation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ft. Aimless threats of violence and me being a major MOA uwu.  
> I shit you not i was typing part of my name in a text and it autocorrected to MOA, all caps  
> Oof.
> 
> Rabbit: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Tsundere: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> StringBean/BUDDY: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**MOA:** Sownaoxn I just saw an English alphabet with BTS and JK really said T was for Tomorrow X Together Im-

**Casper:** YALL I FOUND SMN FUN

**Casper:** So I’m doing that thing where you type with your nose

**Casper:** Nose!

**Oppar:** Dick

**Tsundere:** Get out

**StringBean:** Kidney 

**Casper:** ...

**Tsundere:** Gyu?

**Rabbit:** GUYS WHERE IS MINGYU

**StringBean:** I’m fine

**Tsundere:** Wtf was that 

**StringBean:** So I used the people opener-

**Rabbit:** Hold the fuck up did you just refer to a knife as a people opener

**StringBean:** And? U knew what I meant

**Oppar:** I hope there’s a good explanation for this

**Seokmint:** We have three! 

**MOA:** Pick one!

**DabKing:** Wtf of course it’s something dumb

**Oppar:** My ignorance is becoming a Theme!

**StringBean:** LMAO GET FUCKED

**DabKing:** _I will kick your ass so hard that your vertebrae pop out of your mouth like a pez dispenser_

**Tsundere:** Boi Run And FUCKIN HIDE

**StringBean:** But who can I trust

**Casper:** Yourself?

**StringBean:** Lol no 

**DabKing:** On another note, you guys at BigHit are busy huh

**Seokmint:** Ye BangBangCon and a Comeback and whatever on earth TXT is doing gfriend cb and college prep??? oof

**Rabbit:** UWU BABIES I LOVE 

**Oppar:** Okay but are you guys forgetting Stray Kids

**StringBean:** WE WOULDNEVER OMG

**DabKing:** Give them love and attention or my threat holds

**Casper:** STRAY KIDS

**Casper:** UWU

**Tsundere:** BABIES

**MOA:** CHAOS NERDS THEY CUTE CUTE

**DabKing:** :D

**Rabbit:** Plus they had an entire chef themed cb,,, legends

**Oppar:** ,,,...

**Rabbit:** ?

**Oppar:** Bottom energy

**DabKing:** Bitch he has top energy

**Tsundere:** But consider this... switch energy

**Rabbit:** Oh honey

**Rabbit:** I have no energy

**Oppar:** EYE-

**Seokmint:** Speaking of eyes, I was with jk and I saw the txt kiddies doing the left and right challenge idk if they ever posted it but I squealed so loudly that jk grabbed me and ran 

**MOA:** I LOVE THIS FEELING 

**MOA:** WE GET TO BE A HYUNG GROUP MY HEART-

**Rabbit:** Honestly I’m really proud of them. They’re successful. Like... I know BTS has a sizable influence and all that so they were guaranteed a lot of hype from the get go, but they’re all so talented and hardworking and lovable that their hype is entirely from their own achievements now.

**Tsundere:** And MOARMY are 100% roasting your tiktok skills bc of how good they are

**Casper:** But did they _lie_??? No

**StringBean:** Tbh I saw someone roast a hater who deadass tried to spread a lil negativity by calling TXT too perfect lmao idiots

**Rabbit:** ...

**Rabbit:** Repeat that?

**StringBean:** Hey. Where’s the link OP

**Seokmint:** WHERES THE FUCKING LINK

**MOA:** LWT ME AT EM

**Tsundere:** I’m going to change the subject. You’re scaring me. 

**Tsundere:** I heard the Irene&Seulgi subunit. And... Just... Capital-D-Damn, you’ve got some top tier sunbaenims.

**Casper:** I mean... you didn’t lie

**Casper:** TBH I’ve been between supporting them and streaming dreamies compilations

**Seokmint:** You’re pretty proud of them huh

**Casper:** I’m lov them :)

**StringBean:** There’s a threat in that smile

**Tsundere:** He’s telling us that if we don’t shower them in compliments than he’ll brutally murder us???

**Tsundere:** I think.

**Casper:** :)

**DabKing:** Fuck okay

**MOA:** They’re GR8 

**Oppar:** 10/10 

**DabKing:** UWU NATION 

**Casper:** Not quite up to par but I’ll let it slide

**Oppar:** what about ITZY huh. Where’s their support,

**Rabbit:** ITZY are great too!! Really fun songs and dances

**DabKing:** It’s weird talking about girl groups that aren’t sunbaenim lol 

**DabKing:** But yes give our bbgirls support or I’ll bust ur kneecaps I’ve been working out

**Rabbit:** FINE. THEN GIVE GFRIEND SUM GD LOVE AND SUPPORT

**MOA:** OMG I FORGOT THEYRE ALSO OUR FELLOW GROUP

**MOA:** DANCE QUEENS

**BUDDY:** I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED?!

**Rabbit:** Mingyu knows to respect good dancers :))

**BUDDY:** THEYRE SO GOOD!!! IM SO PSYCHED ABOUT THIR COMEBACK BIGHIT IS DOING THEM SO GOOD

**Tsundere:** Hold up aren’t Twice and Day6 also your junior groups

**Oppar:** Yee technically but they’re not our kids

**Oppar:** That being said if any of y’all disrespect them I’ll destroy u :)

**Tsundere:** Nah Stan women stan Day6

**Rabbit:** valid

**Rabbit:** there’s also that new Japanese gg right? NiziU??

**DabKing:** yeahhhh theyre so YOUNG 

**Oppar:** ngl I’m excited to see where they end up

**Tsundere:** lots of potential :D

**Tsundere:** GOSH I FEEL OLD 

**Rabbit:** ITS TRUUUUEEEEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, sorry for the wait I’ve been doing other things in between just,,, life. But I’ve been working on my GG fics too!!! There’s another TWICE one and a Mamamoo and a GOT7 in the works.  
> I’ve been busy lol. I just need to nameless-sexless-Internet-void up and finish/post them haha
> 
> ALSO: UNRELATED BUT!!!!
> 
> There’s a WEBTOON called Lost In Translation. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!! It’s really good at breaking your heart but in this wholesome sort of way where most of the time you want storm in there and give the protagonist all the hugs!!!
> 
> It’s funny little anecdote but the author said she drew a member shirtless after so many ppl dogged her to do it, and the url lead to DAY6 Jae’s Pacman (she’s a big MYDAY) and so many people ended up on the site in the comments that he noticed her and liked some of her AND read her webtoon. I’m so proud so I’m telling you guys!! U GO JJOLEE!!!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rabbit: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Tsundere: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> BUDDY: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**Tsundere:** Hnnnng my head hurts

**Casper:** R U sure it’s not ur brain tryna comprehend ur own dumbassery

**DabKing:** f

**Tsundere:** Lmao it’s not

**Casper:** U good??

**Tsundere:** I adore MJ I really do but if I hear onE MORE FUCKING TROT SONG IMMA GO FERAL

**Rabbit:** That’s how it gets you.

**Oppar:** hey op what the FUCK does that mean

**BUDDY:** Are we gonna drop the forum speak or?? 

**Rabbit:** no

**BUDDY:** Splish splash ur refusal is trash

**Rabbit:** The heckledy heckles does that mean

**Seokmint:** Hey guys wanna hear a joke

**Oppar:** Okay

**Seokmint:** A man walks into a bar

**Casper:** fuck it’s one of tHOSE

**Seokmint:** His alcoholism is ruining his life and his family is falling apart 

**Rabbit:** Wut

**MOA:** Oh that does NOT spark joy

**BUDDY:** That is going straight to hell

**Seokmint:** Me too!

**BUDDY:** Wtf you’re not allowed to agree with me when I insult ur jokes

**Tsundere:** I think there’s a bigger issue with that statement 

**BUDDY:** The ur? I’m layz 

**Tsundere:** I know this bitch did not just say that

**BUDDY:** nopenopenopenonono

**BUDDY:** fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

**BUDDY:** FUCK YOU

**Rabbit:** ,,,y’all good?

**Tsundere:** THIS WORLD IS GOING TO SHIT

**Casper:** ...

**Casper:** YEET

**Rabbit:** It’s been that way tbh

**Rabbit:** Once a bunch of ppl in the same clothes approached me while I was in New York and said they were recruiting me for a FuN DreAm seSSion and I’m p sure they were a cult

**DabKing:** If adults in matching tee shirts that look like a custom bulk order tell u that something is gonna be fun it isn’t 

**Rabbit:** WELL I KNOW THAT NOW

**Rabbit:** it’s not like I said yes tho

**Oppar:** manager said no?

**Rabbit:** ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot take:  
> ARMY as a whole aren’t toxic, if you assume a giant fandom with literally millions of people are toxic... maybe you’re the toxic one.
> 
> Every fandom has toxic people and I’m so fucking sick of people pinning all toxicity on ARMY. There are toxic Carats, toxic Blink, toxic moomoo, toxic nctzens, toxic aroha, toxic myday and the list goes on. They’re vocal minorities and the idols they support don’t appreciate it. 
> 
> Some people need to grow up and stop hating on ARMY because it’s bandwagon and then turn around and say that ARMY like BTS because it’s bandwagon.
> 
> There. I said it.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suhwayv asked: can we maybe be a hao centric?? like he’s been hiding the fact he’s been hurt or sick then the 97-line chat finds out somehow and takes care of him?? 🥺👉👈
> 
> Oh boi.  
> Okay.  
> This one was /hard/ to write.  
> Sorry for the wait!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rabbit: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Tsundere: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA: The8/Xu Ming Hao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> BUDDY: Kim Mingyu (SVT)

**Tsundere:** What’s up?

**MOA:** Nothing is going on

**Tsundere :** Are you sure?

**MOA:** Nothing :) is :) going :) on :)

**Oppar:** Highkey sus but I’ll leave you be

**MOA:** Entertain me. I’m bored :/

**Casper:** Look!!! at!!! him!!!! 

**Casper:** cutely demanding attention!!!

**Casper:** A whole baebie!!!!

**Tsundere:** I misread that as Barbie

**DabKing:** I had a Barbie when i was younger

**DabKing:** My cousin broke her legs off and they blamed it on me

**MOA:** Oof

**Oppar:** I heard about your drama, you’re gonna do well!

**Tsundere:** Thanks

**Rabbit:** Soobin says hi

**MOA:** A WHOLE BABE 

**Oppar:** JK!!! Are you excited??

**Rabbit:** honestly never thought we’d do an English language single tbh

**Rabbit:** but 

**Rabbit:** I’m kinda excited

**Rabbit:** It’s like a Japanese or Chinese comeback but it’s not

**DabKing:** You don’t have Chinese songs

**Rabbit:** Not yet, maybe one day

**Oppar:** I’ll die. Right here right now. I will die.

**DabKing:** the phattest mood

**Casper:** ^^^^^

**Rabbit:** Awwwwww guys!

**Seokmint:** Okay hao we’re out of pain meds which brand do you want me to get

**Seokmint:** wrong chat but o well

**Oppar:** Pain meds? Do you have a headache?

**Seokmint:** No? He sprained his ankle did he not tell you yet

**DabKing:** Hey @hao what the fuck

**Oppar:** Haoooo!!!!

**MOA:** Guys it’s really not a big deal

**DabKing:** It is! 

**Oppar:** ^^^^

**Casper:** Hao! Of course it’s a big deal when you’re hurt! Mingyu! WYA

**BUDDY:** Kitchen?

**Casper:** Give our boy cuddles

**BUDDY:** YESSIR

**Tsundere:** Minghao, listen up.

**MOA:** Yes?

**Tsundere:** We care about you. It doesn’t matter how common sprains are in our line of work. Our response will not change. 

**Tsundere:** Got it?

**MOA:** Yeah.

**MOA:** Care to tell me why there was food ordered to our dorm?

**Rabbit:** Ooh! Their fast delivery promise was good!

**Tsundere:** I wish I was surprised at this point

**Rabbit:** [video attached]

**MOA:** AAAAAAAAAAHHHH

**BUDDY:** did you need to give him a heart attack?

**Seokmint:** I can’t open the video cuz I’m in public, what is it?

**BUDDY:** He got Kai and Taehyun from TXT to say feel better hyung 

**MOA:** a man after ma own hart

**Casper:** Was I supposed to read that in an American accent?

**MOA:** The south!

**MOA:** jfc whos at the door I’m really fine

**DabKing:** Me and gyeomie! We come bearing balloons!

**MOA:**...gyus on his way 

**DabKing:** based on his Snapchat, so is jay

**Casper:** I have board games we can play with one hand! Stolen from the NCT dorm huehuehuehue

**MOA:** you guys are adorable but you’re all insane.

**MOA:** (but thanks, you’re all really sweet)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rabbit: JUNGKOOK/Jeon Jeongguk (BTS)  
> Casper: Jaehyun/ Jung Yoonoh (NCT)  
> Tsundere: Cha Eunwoo/ Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)  
> DabKing: BamBam/Kunpimook Bhuwakul (GOT7)  
> Oppar: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7)  
> MOA: The8/Xu MingHao (SVT)  
> Seokmint : DK/Lee Seokmin (SVT)  
> JKStan: Kim Mingyu (SVT)
> 
> Happy late birthday to JK, happy early birthday to Joon, and congrats to BTS! 
> 
> Also Seventeen’s 24H came for my jugular lmao.
> 
> The last piece is because my best friend calls me all the time and I love her but she complains when I decline her calls with automated text messages. This chapter is very short and I’m not that sorry tbh.

**Oppar:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY JK

**Seokmint:** CONGRATULATIONS MY GUY

**JKStan:** WE LOV U

**DabKing:** U DID FUCKIN GR8

**Tsundere:** I will Not Be Yelling but happy birthday ggukie 

**Casper:** and congratulations on the billboard award and vmas 

**MOA:** we love you!!!

**Rabbit:** Thank u:)

**Rabbit:** as for me I simply Do Not Vibe With the concept of Time

**Oppar:** U good bro?

**Rabbit:** Yes I’m just very tired and very excited and it’s gr9

**Rabbit:** AnYwHo

**Rabbit:** i wanna see u guys

**Rabbit:** coffee shop? :D

**DabKing:** the usual?

**Rabbit:** duh :p

**DabKing:** Gyeom and I are On Our Way

**Rabbit:** tell Jackson hyung we say congrats on the upcoming release! 

**DabKing:** will do

**Tsundere:** I’m omw 

**MOA:** the seventeen squad are coming too!!!

**JKStan:** @Casper

**Casper:** Sorry, I cannot talk right now.

**Rabbit:** W h o a 

**Rabbit:** an automated message :o

**Rabbit:** He’s on his way, then, right?

**Tsundere:** probably! I see you guys get off ur phones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been pretty busy lately and I’m doing my best to make sure to have something fun to present to you guys! So requests may take a little longer but I promise I always try. I’ve been writing some fics for the WEBTOON Lost In Translation, and it would mean a lot to me if you checked them out!! I’m genuinely debating falling into the hole of writing for A:TLA, too.  
> That was irrelevant lol.
> 
> OH! ABOUT REQUESTS!  
> Please note that if you intend to ask for shipping I’m only FRIENDshipping in this fic. But I’ll give cute friendly interactions if you want them:)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and welcome! I take requests here, it’s a safe place.


End file.
